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Gina467 is now following Kristina Wandzilak
Sep 30, 2012
I have watched you the last year,because I have an addicted son,he is my life my world. I watched you all the time as well as other shows. I found fault in what you told these families at first,How could any parent turn their back on a child who needs their help.After 3 years nothing was working with my sons addiction,after 4 rehabs and actually each relapse became worse, I got it because of you ,I finally got it. I let my son come home, I took care of everything for him fed him, gave him a place to live and basically helped him continiue to kill himself. My life revolved around my sons addiction,I know now that my sons addiction controlled my life . I held on to my son so closely because I was determined to help him,I would say to myself ,I will not let herion take my son,I will not allow him to die from this addiction. One reason was ,Like you my husband committed suicide 5 years ago November 5th,I too was there when my husband shot himself. My husband had many years of addiction and depression,I couldnt save him. This made me more determined to save my son.Suicide is a death that over shadows your life forever,it is a scar that never heals,I believe you just learn to live with that pain,its in finally accepting that I will never know why my husband ended his life,that I realized that what you were saying is true about addiction and my son. I was helping my son kill himself,I have no power over my sons addiction. The closeness that my son has with me only sucked me into,his addiction. There is underlying issues with my son because of my husbands suicide,however my son had not worked through this and looked to herion to ease his pain. My son finally crashed as they always do,he asked for help ,he packed his suit case ,I put him on a plane and My son entered a rehab tjhousands a miles away. I took him to the airport,and before he went so he would not be sick on the plane,my son used for the last time in the parking garage of the airport. I told my son he could never live with me again,he can never come home. He may visit one day,but he can never live with me again. My son enetered rehab September 13th, I have actually had two nights of sleep that ,I actually slept thhrough the night. I am learning a new way of life,I am learning to let him go. I have alot of family support,but I realize,no one can help my son except himself,I shielded him from consequences and responsibilities in his addiction. I, was his enabler and he knew this,and prayed on the fact that I was his mother and would protect him. I talk to my son yesterday, he sounded clear headed and like my old Anthony again,HE SOUNDED like he was excited about life and the future,that has been a long time coming. I thank you for making me see, I couldnt see what I was doing,I was to close to my son,but in your show I understood how I was helping my son use. The best gift I could ever give my son is to let him go. You have opened my eyes to addiction and what it has done to my family more than you will ever know,and I thank you for that. I will pray you will find peace,no one knows what suicide does to a family unless it has happen to you,you are a wonderful woman who touches so many people. You will have to ask the questions about your husbands suicide until you no longer need to know the answer.I BELIEVE it accepting that we learn to move on , and build our lives again.
Toggle Commented Sep 30, 2012 on One Year Later at Sober and Shameless
Gina467 is now following The Typepad Team
Sep 30, 2012