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Harry_Bergeron
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A Honda of that age taking that kind of hit will be a total loss and headed for a junkyard. A small reward flyer to the yards and tow companies might bear fruit. And check the streets and parking lots for a mile around, it may not have gotten very far. I can't believe there's not paint, look closer.
Toggle Commented Jun 6, 2011 on Off-Topic Hit&Run Auto Bleg at BlackFive
1 reply
As Chief Warden of the Lo-Desert Manual Arts Rehabilitation Facility in Thermal, California, I urge you provide us with your inspiration at our graduation exercise/parole hearings to be held on July 13, 2011. As topics, I suggest analysis of the risk/reward ratios and shrinking margins in the modern inner-city chop shop and the relative values of available pre-paid legal plans. Our clients have been out of circulation for a while and are not up to date with current case law. I understand that you have plenty of expertise in these fields, but feel free to cover any topic you feel up to, in case of a bad hangover. Your usual slow pace will mesh perfectly with our translator's work in 3 languages. Your speechifying will be excellent preparation for these young men's future "careers", in case they go straight. If they can't sit through your "presentation", they won't be able to deal with what they must encounter in what will pass for "jobs" in the future. Your blather will be preserved and played every day for our future clients, in expectation that this will deaden their sensibilities and thus immunize them against going postal both during their stay and later on in life. Your honorarium will be a little tricky,since I can't take the chance of keeping it on my person, but you will find it in the glovebox of the primered 1976 Camaro out in the secured parking lot, license plate KLASSY. (If there's a girl passed out in the back seat, she is NOT PART OF THE DEAL!) As a bonus though, any one thing you can physically carry away from our Gift Shoppe is yours to keep, with our compliments. Universal Keeyz are our biggest seller, but I expect you already have a complete set. Please forward your personal details for our mandatory background check if you see fit to grace us with your wisdom. I can pretty much guarantee that the temperature will be in the low triple digits in the shade, although there has not been any shade since a rowdy element cut down our tree in a mass escape attempt. We are not far from Bullhead City, and I could make some personal introductions, know what I'm sayin'? With all due respect, Harry Bergeron, Chief Warden
Toggle Commented Mar 11, 2011 on Inspire Our Kids, Dave at iowahawk
Looking to the future, how shall we avoid repeated, recursive recurrences of this senseless, solipsistic sophistry? Will we always be subjected to random auto-suspensions, will-ye-nil-ye, at the whim of an obvious maniac? Are we expected to stand idly by while innocent young bloggers from Australia go missing? Steps must be taken; redress must be had; justice must be served! My own sober assessment is that Iowahawk must stay suspended until these concerns are addressed.
At least now we know who the new Worst Person In The World is. I shall boycott myself, Rachel Madcow and FireDogLake in sympathy and solidarity.
I hereby support your inalienable right to boycott yourself by boycotting you until you come to your senses and stop exercising your inalienable right. How will I know when the boycott is over? I will boycott myself in solidarity if this gets accidentally posted twice via Typepad lameness.
After my offical entry, I came upon something that might might provide further inspiration, or maybe nightmares. This midnight perfomance by Survival Research Lab, features a gigantic, shreiking, flame-throwing, smoke-spewing ramjet engine, a lightning-hurling 20-foot Van De Graaf generator and electricity-transcending Tesla coil. And huge robots. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuON82gN0mg [3 min.]
After a weekend of drag racing my SUV, I pour the used oil in the lake. I lock my doors to deprive burglars of their rights under the Umpteenth Amendment. I buy CFLs and break them in the local schoolyard. My militia is now OK with the Justice Dept. since we merged with MS-13 and ACORN. I use pages of the Koran to wrap tamales and dolma, so that Muslims will be mad at Mexicans and Greeks instead. I encourage young people to become even stupider by getting liberal arts degrees. I hunt down transsexual dolphins with one of my many bazookas. And in keeping with the air of fake bi-partisanship in DC, I qualify for a White House staff position since I owe the IRS $294,647, which I have no intention to pay. Since my skin is suspiciosly pale, I can't see how this new show could do any better than adding Harry Bergeron.
Toggle Commented Sep 14, 2010 on So You Want To Be a Right Wing Villain at iowahawk
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Sep 14, 2010