If you haven't heard about Cuties, it's a film on Netflix made in France. Some people call it child exploitation, some call it child advocacy. Some brag that the child actors needed therapy. Let's chat. The Joe Martino Show · 119: Cuties: Child Exploitation Or Child Advocacy? Download it in... Continue reading

No matter how much you learn, how many skills you pick up, today's episode talks about the one skill needed to fortify all the others for change. The Joe Martino Show · 118. One Skill Necessary To Help You Get From Here To There Download it in your favorite podcast... Continue reading

Joe, we have a problem. If you're like most people I know, there is probably something about your life that you'd like to change. If you're like some people I know, you've probably engaged the change process to some extent. And you've probably experienced distress and disappointment because you didn't accomplish what you set out to do. One of the most discouraging aspects of change can be the time it takes to actually experience the change. Let me tell you a personal story... This past weekend I was working on a home project. We're remodeling our house and doing many of the projects on our own. If you've done this, you know that you have to check off portions of the projects at different times. Career, kids, and life still have their demands on your time. We are re-doing every bathroom in our house. So on labor day, I am working on the bathroom light fixture. I killed the power, took the old fixture off and something was askew. There was an extra grounding wire. It was coming out of the wall. I didn't understand it. I also had to drive to the hardware store because I needed electrical tape. The hardware store is a good twenty minutes from my house. About halfway there I realized I wasn't angry. Let me explain. Due to a variety of factors from my past, my mind typically runs to how I am a screwup and the problem with the projects is my fault.... Continue reading

This episode brings together seemingly disparate stories and offers this truth: You are not an imposter. The Joe Martino Show · 117. You Are Not An Imposter Download it in your favorite podcast player or click on the Sound Cloud link above. Continue reading

This episode deals with two listener emails. I also talk about the book, Educated, by Tara Westover which leads to a discussion about trauma. The Joe Martino Show · 116. Listener Emails and a Short Discussion on Trauma Download it in your favorite podcast player or click on the Sound... Continue reading

The following is a post I wrote for a local publication. Thinking About Therapy? Let’s talk about some common questions. (Part 1) With the pandemic going on, our lives are continually facing difficulties and disappointments from last year’s lost graduations to lost sports seasons. Some are undoubtedly minor inconveniences, while others are events and possibilities that only come along once in a lifetime. With that, grief has come for all of us in different ways. Then there is the loss of life. Death from the virus. Death from suicide. Relationship stress. Marriages strained. Parenting skills are nearly depleted. With all of these stressors, many people are turning to therapy for help. And yet, many others are still suspicious of counseling. Some people are afraid of what counseling is like and what happens in a session. This series will attempt to answer the most common questions we encounter about counseling. What does it cost? Cost is, by far, one of the most common questions that we field with people looking into therapy. The truth is that prices vary. And the factor is often insurance companies dictate what the cost to the client is going to be. They dictate to us what we are to charge their patients. We do have a self-pay option for clients who do not wish to utilize insurance or do not have insurance. Almost all clinics that I know of have this option as well. What about Insurance? “Will you take my insurance?” is an incredibly common... Continue reading

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So often, when our children don't have an emotional vocabulary they act out in ways that are actually disruptive. In turn, many parents respond with a lack of emotional regulation and escalation. Today's episode discusses the benefits of teaching kids a vocabulary of emotions. The Joe Martino Show · 114.... Continue reading

Tuesdays are long days for me. I usually leave the house around 7:30 and I don't typically leave my office until about 9:15 that night. Usually, the trip home is punctuated with a stop at the dumpster to throw trash out. For a couple of months, I would transport the trash from our Grand Rapids office to our Lowell office. Why? Well, let's look at the dumpster. Do you see the lock not actually locking anything? This dumpster didn't always have a lock on it. What prompted it? One weekend, someone put their personal trash in the dumpster. No idea if it was someone who rents an office space or someone from the surrounding area. As a reaction (that's an important word for this post), either the landlord or the management company decided that the best response (another important word for this post) was to put a lock on the dumpster to keep trash out that isn't supposed to be there. That sounds reasonable. That sounds like it makes a good response. But does it. You'll notice the lock isn't locking anything. It hasn't been for weeks. Which brings me back to why I was transporting the trash from one office to another. The lock is almost impossible to use. At first, I thought it was just me or the general way that counselors' minds work. I think one of our interns was taking trash home with her rather than deal with the lock. I called the management company. I... Continue reading

For years, people have used a verse in the Old Testament to say we should spank. Even amongst non-religious people, there seems to be a lament that we no longer beat butts (I had to clean that up for this venue). Dr. Catherine Mueller Bell stops by to discuss her... Continue reading

Why haven't you been _______? I was recently asked, "Hey, why haven't I seen you at ________?" I left the place blank on purpose because it doesn't necessarily matter what you put in that blank, you probably haven't seen me in a lot of places. Some people have asked from, what I believe, is a sincere place if I haven't been going places that we had gone regularly pre COVID because of fear. You're afraid you're going to get the Virus? The answer is no. My wife and I are limiting our out of the house experiences because we feel it is wise to do so. But not for any of the reasons that have been suggested to me at this point. Before I explain the reasons that we have chosen this approach, I'd like to share another version of it. We have policies for all of our offices regarding the COVID-19 and our state and federal government mandates. Invariably, someone will come in and complain about some part of the policy or they will ask my opinion on the virus or our collective government's response. Invariably, I tell them that my opinion doesn't matter. Hear me out. As a citizen, my opinion matters, and my vote can reflect those opinions this November. My opinion matters as someone who lives here in this state and country. But, as someone on a mission, my opinion does not matter. What is wise? We start with a basic question. What is wise? As... Continue reading

There is a gift that we can use to better our lives. When we think about outcomes, we can make better decisions and improve the quality of our days. The Joe Martino Show · 112. The Gift of Thinking About Outcomes Download it in your favorite podcast player or click... Continue reading

The following is a post I wrote for a local publication regarding the upcoming school year and dealing with the unknown. I’m not a big fan of July. I especially dislike the middle of July. Not because of the heat. It means school is right around the corner. I hate that because I love having my kids home. This year has more significant implications for me personally, as my oldest will be a Senior. Of course, this year seems to have more significant implications for everyone as the chatter about going back to school starts to ratchet up. There are more questions than answers. Are we going to be virtual? Are we going to be in person? Every day? Every other day? Masks? Plastic screens? Temperature screenings? How are politics impacting these discussions if they are impacting them at all? What is the best way to educate our children and keep them safe? How do we fund things? How do we handle the fear and anxiety of our children? How do we handle our own fear and anxiety? These questions and hundreds more seem to cascade like a rushing swollen spring stream through most of the conversations I’m involved in lately. In the middle of these turbulent times, we must recognize and accept our own anxiety and fears. At the same time, we want to live our lives. How do we stretch that balance? Admit our own fears We start by admitting our fears. This will help both your children... Continue reading

Working through disagreement can be destructive. There are four principles that enable healing communication. Follow these steps and you will see improvements in the quality of your relationships. The Joe Martino Show · 111. Communication that heals Download it in your favorite podcast player or click on the Sound Cloud... Continue reading

One of the hardest parts of the change process is admitting the need to change. Admitting that there is something going on that isn't working. This episode deals with the possibilities of change that come from admitting. The Joe Martino Show · 110. The power of admitting. Engage Change Download... Continue reading

Halfway through 2020! How's it going? In what has been a wild year, you can still do the things necessary to get where you want to go. The Joe Martino Show · 109. You Can Do It. Looking To The Second Half Of This Year. Download it in your favorite... Continue reading

In honor of Father's Day, my friend Ryan Kresge stops by to talk about how the story in our head can sabotage us. Especially when something goes wrong. And we discuss what can be done about it. The Joe Martino Show · 108. Dealing with Story Failure Creates in a... Continue reading

This is the third part of a three-part series about growing up in America as a black person. Jennifer, a black woman who is also in Law Enforcement, stops by to discuss her experiences. The Joe Martino Show · 107. Growing up as a black female in America Download it... Continue reading

I'd like to think that we all want to listen to each other. I would like to believe that almost everyone I meet wants to be an excellent listener. And yet the chaos of our world often feels overwhelming. It can often seem like everywhere I turn, I see people who are not listening Even in our quaint little town here in Lowell, you do not have to travel far to find people who are vehemently opposed to each other's viewpoints. Often, they are not afraid to express that disagreement loudly with very little listening happening. Don't believe me, spend a short time on some of the social media sites dedicated to our town's darker side or chatter. I teach listening for a living, and there are days that I struggle to be a good listener. So this month's article is dedicated to the idea that we want to be good listeners. I want to offer some simple steps that we can all adopt and utilized to be better listeners. Step one: listen to understand not to respond. So often, when we listen, we listen to respond; That may actually be a little charitable. We often listen so that we can react as opposed to actually hearing. We listen just long enough to find the points that we disagree on and preparing to pounce on those disagreements. Good listening involves looking for points of agreement. It necessitates listening to understand what the other person is saying and the emotions and... Continue reading

What is it like to grow up as a person of color in America? Someone recently told me that racism doesn't exist in America anymore. Is that really the case? I struggle to believe so. Because of the struggle, this episode is the second of a three-part series where people... Continue reading

I can't save every one of those kids that is on that 140,000 list. And I can do everything in my power to help the ones that I can help. And here's the whole point of the story: when you are truly passionate about something, it will affect the people around you. Continue reading

What is it like to grow up as a person of color in America? Someone recently told me that racism doesn't exist in America anymore. Is that really the case? I struggle to believe so. Because of the struggle, this episode is the first of a three-part series where people... Continue reading

To fight injustice, live a life of justice. Call those around you to live a life of justice. Show mercy to those around you. Show love to those around you. Walk humbly in the world around you. Life is hard and can be difficult to navigate, but it really shouldn't be that hard to navigate what it means to be kind and to treat people-even people who have committed crimes with dignity. Continue reading

Has fear become a virtue? If so, what does that mean for society? Is that the reason we have identity politics? Also, how do we discuss George Floyd? Why do so many people seem to be unwilling to say that putting your knee on a man's neck who is in... Continue reading

There was an ancient writer who once wrote that it is better to go to a funeral than to a party. Because when we go to a funeral we are more likely to take account of our lives. At a funeral we are more likely to measure the number of days that we have which of the same writer wrote is a great way to get wisdom. Continue reading