Side hug, Julie. I know why people say that -- often parents are the first to have the niggling feeling that something is wrong when others are willing to overlook it -- but when it comes to handling behavior what you need is someone who's been there already. How silly that we are expected to figure things out for ourselves, that every family is required to (pardon the horrific cliche) reinvent the wheel, every time. Why, that's just dumb. You understand Charlie better than most, probably, but it doesn't mean you have practical answers. Shoot, if that were the case, anybody who suffered recurrent depression would automatically be able to cure themselves! Every time! (Okay, a bit oblique, but do you see what I'm saying? Understanding does not always translate into nuts and bolts.) Oh, hell. Good luck, sister. I have hope for you both.