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Kathleen Barney
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Our 7.5 month old was cosleeping and up every 1-3 hours. He had been his entire life. Once in awhile he would sleep 4 hours but that was it. he napped 30 minutes total for the whole day. We gave in to his every cry because all the things on attachment parenting said he must need something if he cried. We were never going to do cry it out. But we were so tired and honestly our baby was tired too so no I don't think wanting sleep for mama, daddy and baby was selfish. We did the "No cry sleep Solution" for two months and he got worse. He was so tired and so were we. After an awful night where he took two hours of rocking to sleep only to be up over and over again while I cried from exhaustion and yelled at my beautiful baby to be quiet, my husband and i had a major fight at 4 am. He felt the baby was normal and being up every hour or two was what being a parent was all about. He felt I needed a higher dose of antidepressants than I was on and accused me of not taking my medication. I've had depression for many years and know the difference between tired and depressed I told him I was simply sleep deprived but he said I was just crazy. I called my mom and dad for advice and at 6 am and they actually came over. They told us we were both sleep deprived and maybe it was time to let him cry a little. My dad suggested 30 minutes then a check but that was too much. My husband and I settled on 15 minutes and decided he had to begin having naptimes as well as the 30 minutes a day was not cutting it. After 15 minutes we would pick him up and cuddle him and make sure things were fine then down again we went The first day was awful and he cried a lot but we stuck to it. He didn't nap well but we made him have the naptimes at a time interval when average babies his age need sleep. The first night he was up a lot and slept less than 9 hours. The second day things got better. He had a 2 hour nap and then after crying off an on for an hour (with checks every 15) at night he went to sleep. He slept 11 hours. Today which is day 3, he fussed maybe 5 minutes at each nap but took 3 naps of over an hour. Nap time sleep totalled 4 hours for the day Bedtime he only cried 20 minutes. Honestly I think having sleep deprived parents who fight with each other, a mama who cries all the time and is too sleepy to play with him and get upset and impatient with him and being a crabby sleep deprived baby would be far more damaging psychologically and physically than a few days of crying. I think it's sad when very young babies of under 6 months are left to cry but at my son's age it was what he needed. His biggest unmet need was sleep. I was not doing my job as a mama because I failed to meet his sleep needs by giving into all his cries instead of just letting him sleep. If he had to cry a few minutes for that need to be met I don't think he's going to hate us or development an attachment disorder. He is loved and adored all day long but he is 7 months old and needs naps and bedtime rest
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Oct 27, 2010