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d.j. bradley
san diego
writer, financial advisor, former astronaut
Interests: favorite quote: "whoever paints a sky green and a meadow blue ought to be sterilized." -- adolph hitler
Recent Activity
I remember one year Florida was having a really bad time early in the year with catastrophic weather and forest fires. Robertson picked up the cue and said the homosexuals flooding into the state to be fabulous at Disney World were going lead God to destroy Florida sometime that year. Unfortunately, a few days later the sun came out and Florida had the best weather anyone had seen in 200 years. Damn.
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Pat Robertson is no crazier than the green people who worship at the altar of global warming. I'll take Pat over the greens. There's an article someplace today about psychiatrists concerned with couples trying to one-up each other about who's greener, then breaking up. You know like, "Honey, you left the water on two minutes too long while you were brushing your teeth. That's 30 gallons." They deserve an earthquake and slow death. out
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Let's have a segment where a candle-lit Mark McGwire stands around sobbing for five minutes without saying a word. Then finish up with a blubbering Richard Gere taking a swipe at Brit Hume and the New York Fire Department, then bringing out a couple of hundred Buddhist monks for a round of chants. late
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Oh yeah, now that I'm on a roll, wouldn't you know George Clooney and his Disaster's Are Us Boys would dust off their old eternal We Are The World Show and plaster it on MTV and the Big Three Networks on January 22? Next Friday. Dial 911 BARFBAG if you want bol to do a review. They did their sorry shit after 911. Clooney came on with candles in the background. I teared up. Like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet. Asshole Tom Hanks read the Pledge of Allegiance (the chickenshit left out "under God" in his reading). How brave. Look for Depends poster boy Bono to do a 45-minute monolog. You'll see all the stupid shits from the "Oceans 11, 12, 13" movies. I'm going to get out my popcorn and get down on my knees and pray Mariah Carey gets a shot -- drunk as a boiled owl. I imagine Kanye will get a couple of minutes -- and blame George Bush. Unlike you, I have friends. kkkramer and cinnamon. out
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Many in Haiti are suffering. I get it. The place is starting to look like Tijuana -- or Woodstock. But I'm suffering too. My San Diego Chargers are playing the Jets today and I have a bad feeling about it. And I have no beer in the fridge, nor bacon, eggs. My wife, Bubbles, is trying to kill me. Cosign bob. Wyclef is coming under scrutiny. See http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=452067&GT1=28102 Re bol's cavalcade of talent: Girl #2: From fashion photography 101: "Never photograph a woman while she's in the middle of a chemical peel." The girl directly above the Esquire cover: I think she numba one, saila boy! The only problems is she looks like my daughter. Fuck, put some clothes on, girl. out
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I watched the coverage on MSNBC, and CNN. The whole thing, the Haiti disaster, reminds me of Woodstock. I just saw the movie of Woodstock on VH1. In fact, wouldn't it be cool if they built this big stage in the highlands just above the bloody legs sticking out of concrete and the funeral pyres of smouldering car tires and bodies in Haiti? And this hippie sounding M.C. comes on and says stuff like, "People, hold each other; help is on the way. The person next to you is your brother, man. What we have in mind is breakfast in bed for six million people, man. Well, make that five million, ha ha." And then The Who comes on and stuff. And Crosby, Stills and Nash. Maybe add a new act like Sheryl Crow! And all the people below with their arms falling off and brains dripping out of their bashed-in skulls in unison say "Fuck You" in French and beat the shit out of the CNN reporters and set fire to their truck. Those poor bastards down there are surely suffering. But I'm suffering too: the Jets are playing the Chargers tomorrow and San Diego is a choke town. p.s. This Wyclef Jean or whatever the fuck his name is, is getting very close scrutiny. He's mishandling the fuck out of the donations. And he's a shit singer to boot! and I'm out
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Merry Christmas cinnamon.
Toggle Commented Dec 25, 2009 on Patton Oswalt "Christmas Shoes" at ByronCrawford.com
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Merry Christmas, cinnamon. Continue reading
Posted Dec 25, 2009 at d.j. bradley's blog
I told your ass bol would get lucky. For those gamers that have never been with a real woman, "I have a small apartment in ATL and Byron is welcome 2 stay," means you just got lucky. Rush Limbaugh merrily played a new cut from Jay-Z yesterday. He loves it when people mention him. Jay-Z mentioned Rush and O'Reilly. How edgy. Jay-Z's delivery was so out of sync with the backing track it was like when the T.V. flips out in a storm and the guy's lips move and the words come out a second later. out
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Ah yessssss, I starting to ge' it. Thanks 77 and Mr. Jones. Add to the glossary. Now to wikipedia and Mitch Hedberg. How about: Flickan blåste precis mig. Hon svalde inte. Hint: It's Swedish and has to do with oral sex. More than one can play at this game you dirtey basturds. ut
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Sleeze $ is clever. I usually catch Bridezillas on Sunday. You know, after church. That show was modeled on a tattooed white girl in Wisconsin who got drunk and started wailing on her husband and inlaws at the reception. Then she started throwing down on the cops. Now the dang show has been taken over by black women. Something must be in the water. out
Toggle Commented Aug 26, 2009 on You think I'm playing with you? at ByronCrawford.com
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fucking funny. Dead's is funny too. I'm just now finding out who Alex Jones is. Now somebody is going to have to explain "Endless lulz. Word to Lionel Richie," to me. Please. Oh yes, black women do have bad attitudes. And Biggie settled the 2pac situation on who was better. out
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Memphis Philadelphia Washington D.C. South Side Chicago East Los Angeles St. Louis is the most harmonious situation between blacks and whites I have ever seen. I think it is because the blacks in St. Louis are moderate church goers. You can say religion is superstition; heck, I am in the Christopher Hitchens camp on that. But the practice has good societal effects. Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Bacon will trade in their shit. Cash for Clunkers. out
Toggle Commented Aug 26, 2009 on The Ghetto Formula at ByronCrawford.com
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My television has developed a brain tumor. It presented this morning with the death of Tedus Kennedus. It should recover in a couple of months. Prescribe DVD's, AMC, TCM, books, long walks on the beach. out
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Yeah, lol. The guy that photographed the girl for National Geographic went on a quest to find her after ten years. He found her after a lot of detective work. She is married with children and lives in a modest apartment. She is fat and has a nose like Anthony Quinn in Lawrence of Arabia. She wears the standard issue beekeeper outfit, as bol calls them. But once upon a time ...
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I mean that was an awesome video. My only complaint was bol didn't cover last Sunday's Miss Universe finals. You can only watch so much pr0n which is always close up, dirty and repetitive. I mean this was 50 glittering sex bombs prancing around in handkerchiefs. Fucking slender, tan, tight, blazing Roman candles. Scoreboard: Miss Venezuela; second year in a row; Yo Hugo! Miss Venezuela: http://www.herdailynews.com/wp-content/uploads/600afghanistan_woman.jpg late
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My name is d.j. bradley and I am a conservative alcoholic and former astronaut. Every time I wake up at night, I open my eyes, and Bubbles is sitting in a chair staring at me. Hard righters like Pat Buchanan, whose voice is on the video, has some great ideas that all the homies on the nets would surely agree with. Like George Washington, Pat Buchanan believes we should butt out of policing the world and having foreign entanglements. Things like nation building in Iraq and Afghanistan. (The Ruskies did Afghanistan with all their might and failed; let's get the fuck out and call it even, you frigging Vietnam repeaters). Pat wants to seal off the border. Even Mexicans all over my block in So Cal want to put a damper on the illegals. Why not? Mexico does on its southern border. This president seems fascist to me. I think he wants to deconstruct the country and remake it in the image of countries he admires: Cuba, France, the old Soviet Union. Watch out! If the dollar becomes worthless because of wanton spending, we will deconstruct and become third world. thanks bol out
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bol did a list a couple of days ago. Greatest rap of the 2000s. Maybe yesterday. Or today. If I made a list of glued-to-your-seat entertainment for the past 15 years or so I would include Kobe. And something like: 1) The O.J. Simpson Murders. One year of pure televised bliss. It had a climax, "not guilty," and all the blacks in my town jumped to their feet and cheered like the SuperBowl. 2) Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky. Another full year of T.V. awesomeness. 3) Al Gore vs. George W. Bush. Hanging chads. Court hilarity. 4) The First Gulf War was pretty good: a female CNN reporter was holed up in a Bagdad hotel and reported, "I just saw a Cruise Missle go down the street, take a left, then boom!" 5) Hurricane Katrina was funny as fuck, especially that fucking dome disaster. 6) Kobe and assorted others. Especially his televised apology on CNN with his wife sitting next to him. Ha-ha. out
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Geico Lizard right on. My story of Memphis was all true. Nothing but fear. Like Dick Gregory once said, "I spent 30 years there one night." Funny, maybe somebody can explain Little Rock to me. Statistically the place is poorer than Memphis. Yet, I think the black people are the exact reverse of the scary Memphisites. The negro Little Rockers are friendly and funny. I like being there although I'm always just traveling through. out
Toggle Commented Aug 25, 2009 on The Ghetto Formula at ByronCrawford.com
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Commenter Magazine -- the shit! I went to Memphis last year. Stopped at a motel on the North Side. Checked in. I see black people. Five minutes. Turn on T.V. Go to washbasin. Wham! My car alarm goes off. Five motherfuckers trying to steal my car. Return to room. The news is on. A high school teacher down the street just got shot in the face. He saw black people. Go to a liquor store to get some beer. Guy wants to carjack my ass and take my beer. Shoved the dude and raced off. It doesn't really matter what color you are, when you are in Memphis, your ass is grassed. out
Toggle Commented Aug 25, 2009 on The Ghetto Formula at ByronCrawford.com
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I listen to the Beatles and Sinatra. Is that indie? Those dawgs on the Pitchfork list are going to be slapping on the Depends soon enough. The shelf life of a hip hop artist is probably the same as someone in pro sports, ten years if you are lucky. I could whittle down the Pitchfork list to two. I base it on the strength of wit/humor, delivery and video. d.j. votes: 1) Outkast. Fucking lawn jockeys, the one on the high school stage; genius. 2) Missy Eliott. That frigging video with Prince in it. The bonus line where she wants to "shave" her "chocha." out
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It is a truth universally acknowledged in the world of Islam that if you have the bad fortune of immigrating to America, and your chaste daughter starts dating an Anglo, then you will cut off her head. Then set your wife on fire. Allah Akbar! Comrades, there are worse crimes than dating with the enemy. Pardon me if I whisper this one. Shhh: what if your daughter ... converted ... to ... CHRISTIANITY! I dare not speak it again. Depressed areas of Michigan and Ohio are becoming barbarian enclaves complete with towers with Mackie P.A.'s blasting Call To Prayer. Women in beekeeper outfits are coming out of the 7-11. Sharia law, mentioned above, shadows U.S. law. Now the fetching 17-year-old Rifqa Bary, daughter of a bug eyed terrorist wannabe, has, shhh, converted to Christianity and fled to Florida! And so, she says, she must die. I come on the byron crawford website to say, Rifqa, dear, when you turn 18, give d.j. a call. I offer you safe harbor. Three hots and a cot. So what if she kind of looks like one of those blue lizards in Avatar; homegirl has potential: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0P5IaIE_LI salom
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Now bol's really moving. Check out the new wide receiver for the Washington Redskins taking a stance before the snap. http://lucianne.com/images/lucianne/DailyPhoto/2009-08-21-BGAGL.jpg out
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Wee wee update. From a commenter in the Times of London: david gelfand wrote: Being "all wee wee'd up" has nothing to do with bed wetting. It is ghetto lingo for being stoned out of one's mind by pot. The term originated in Nigeria, where one of the words for cannabis is "wee", but has become ghetto language here. (Bradley's note: President Obama was born in Nigeria). August 22, 2009 7:10 AM BST on UK-TimesOnline -30-
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I commend bol for his use of the word "rickshaw." Having an opportunity to use a word like that is like winning the lottery. Props also to geico lizard's eye for detail in pointing out the woman/rickshaw boy didn't stop for tips. Part of the fun of being in a strip joint is watching greenbacks flying through the room and landing at the stripper's feet. I've thrown my share. Vegas rocks and I will tell you why: You can get there from any major city in the United States for like $59. The food is out of this world and it's frigging cheap, if not free. Drinks are flowing. Real girls are attached to them -- with high blood alcohol levels. On the negative side, if you end up off the beaten path, you are going to be in a place resembling the South Side of Chicago or a Mad Max film real fast. And sign my ass up for Macao. With a stop in Bangkok. out
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