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Michelle Holderman
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(Tears) Oh Kathy, I'm just now seeing this. I'm so, so sorry friend!! Sending love to your grieving heart. (((Hugs)))
Rest In Peace
My dog Betsy has 12 hours to live. She's blissfully unaware, lying on the cool, kitchen tile. I am in my brown, corduroy-covered La-Z-Boy, under a blanket, crying. For three days, we've watched her disappear: releasing urine in the hallway after she'd just been outside, burrowing behind and...
I love this, Kathy. Perfect quote. xoxox
Day 428: Thanks....For Everything
Do you hate me? Thank you. Have a new disease/infection/pain for my body? Thanks again. Doubt I'm sick? Muchos Gracias. Challenge me to my very core? I am grateful. YOU are my teacher. YOU are making me strong. YOU are causing me to appreciate. Your lessons are my presents. How I use them...
I read this shaking my head the whole time. Yes, much of the medical community is extremely arrogant. If it wasn't in there books in medical school; it doesn't exist. If the pharmaceutical companies don't make a drug for it; it doesn't exist. Oh gesh, don't get me started.
I'm sorry you've had to go through that, Kathy. I'm sorry we all have. I'm sorry the politics are the way they are in medicine. They are so dismissive of what they do not know. Let me remind you, and I say this in all sincerity, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! They're refusal to step out of their safe, comfortable, know-it-all boxes is what's utterly crazy.
You, my friend, are beautiful, brave, intelligent, compassionate, capable, articulate and smarter than most doctors. Whatever this year brings, whatever choices you make, know you make a difference in the biggest way. How? By the way you love people.
Days 378-385: I Know What I Know
Alton Brown's talking about yeast on Food Network. He's discussing pizza dough: how slow rise is better than fast, how yeast needs time to ferment. To help, he's adding malted barley. Words like gluten, gliadin, and crisp leap from his lips. I am drinking a green drink trying not to puke ...
I couldn't love this more!! You nailed it, Kathy. And you nailed it in the most unique way. Pretty darn cool too. Thanks friend. Love you!
Days 393-394: The World May Never Know
Question: "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" Answer: It depends who you're asking. If you ask me, three sounds like a reasonable number (I chomp, not lick). To others, 10 is far more likely (or conservative). Scientific experiments range from 14...
Totally agree with everyone. This is such a powerful, beautiful post! Your words impact our hearts.
I missed the Gabby Giffords special; dang it. But I've been truly amazed at her spirit; so strong and determined. A lot like you.
May we all be inspired and encouraged by those who fight through their messes and find something beautiful. Thanks for reminding me, Kathy. XOXOX
Days 348 and 349: When The Life You Get Is Not The Life You Planned
It's hard to believe it's been almost a year since Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot outside a Safeway store in Tuscon, Arizona. I remember it clearly. One moment, I was in a car arguing with a friend to stop procrastinating about purchasing eye glasses. The next, I was witnessing the af...
I love this. I love that you look deeper into Lyme; beyond just the physical; beyond the outward (which we all know can be so hard to do). I love that you are looking at what you can learn from this. It's a painful but precious process; a transformative process. Thank you for writing, Kathy.
Day 347: It Will If I Say So
One of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately is lessons. I'm not sure I believe in Karma or Fate, but I do believe there's something to be learned from every experience in life...particularly illness. I've never considered myself very patient. Can Lyme teach me grace? I've al...
I am so excited to hear this, Kathy! I hope and pray for continued improvements with the Unda's. I know ANY improvement is a welcome change; especially with your frozen shoulder and pain. I've been using Unda's off/on for a few years. And they are potent, girly! I've been on 2, 9, 15, 24 and 258. My doc loves all the Undas.
Can't wait to see what happens. You know I'm always following along with you. Love how you described muscle-testing btw. Great way to explain it. So super-heroish :)
Take care dear friend. Love you!!
Day 350: A Tale Of Three UNDAs
In the world of Chinese Medicine, if you want to detox, try an UNDA. Or, in some cases, three or four. Then, pray for progress. UNDA numbers, a homeopathically prepared low-dose of plants and minerals, drain impurities on a cellular level. Each number targets a different organ or organs. S...
Kathy, I LOVE this!! More importantly, I LOVE you!!! Hope you feel better, find a delicious cuppa decaf that makes you want to sing, have fun hanging with the cool, coffee house hipsters, write more than you have in months, get discovered by a happenin' publisher and find a really good massage therapist in Savannah.
Take care of yourself sweet friend. You are thought about more than you know. (((Hugs)))
Days 341-343: How/What I Am Doing
One of these stories is true. a) I've been abducted and haven't had time/energy to talk about it. b) I've been feeling super bad, stopped all of my meds/herbs, and am trying desperately to recover. (Flexiril, massage, Traumeel...anyone?) c) I am on vacation, enjoying bits of magic, when/w...
I hear you, Kathy. The middle of the rope. It's so....not acknowledged very often. The only thing I could say about being in the middle of the rope is to swing. Swing and scream and laugh and cry. Probably won't have any impact on Lyme but it sure could be fun and perhaps provide a little comic relief :p
Hoping your pain is better. Wow. That's interesting about your doc injecting Traumeel. Did it offer much relief? I agree about the infrared light. My doc let me use her's once and I couldn't believe how much it helped. So I ordered one.
Love you friend.
Day 337: In The Middle
Source Being chronically ill, things happen. You get jaded. You become more realistic. You question things: the meaning of life, your purpose, protocols, what you would and wouldn't do in search of healing. It changes EVERYTHING. If you're sick enough, stuff you thought you would never do ...
Kathy, I relate sooooo much! In fact, you penned it perfectly. Although the details of our lives are different, the general effect of Lyme and all it brings is a sure commonality. Between all the doctors appointments and therapies and and travel and dealing with the regular exhaustion/fever/pain/not feeling good.....we're worn out. I daydream about the things I want to do too. Simple things that I haven't been able to do in a very long time. And even on a semi-good or decent day, there's only so much energy to expend and then thats it. Nobody can possibly know what the depths of chronic illness is like or how dramatically it changes your life unless they've had first hand experience. Hope it helps to know I understand exactly where you're coming from. Love you. XOXOX
Day 320: Time Flies
Lately, I've received several emails, messages, and texts. "Where've you been?" "Are you ok?" "Miss you." I feel the same way...missing, somehow disconnected. I can't really say where the time's gone. I'm not out doing the Hustle. I haven't been napping (except this afternoon). I'm not spendi...
Oh my dear sweet friend....
This is such a roller coaster ride. I just read your post about the UVBI therapy before this one and I'm thinking it has to be playing a role in how you're feeling. Do you have to repeat the therapy at a certain point? It's so interesting. I saw a new chiropractor last week and he was talking about the UVBI. I so pray this will yeild better health for you. I want you to be well. I want us all to be well.
I'm cyber sending you a steaming hot cuppa tea, a box of kleenex (love the artwork btw; it really conveys how you must be feeling), a hand to hold and much heartfelt love!!!
Always thinking of you. XOXOXOXOXO
Day 312: All Rise. No Shine.
Artwork by Helen Dardik Me: Achew. Achew. Achew. Angel: Baby, are you sick? It's a funny question to ask a person who's been bed-bound/chair-bound for much of the year. Still, I know what he means. This isn't normal Lyme migrainey, joint, stabbing, chronic pain. This is grab the tissues, ...
First of all, seeing a new doc is a big deal. I hope he can bring some new insight to the table that will really benefit you. I'm glad to hear that he was understanding.
Secondly, I also just read the post about your insurance company, which must be why you are going to a new doc. Or least a primary reason. I won't even go there :/
Thirdly, I'm SO sorry to hear about your virus levels. I empathize with you very much! I have battled the same thing for a long time myself. CMV and EBV were high again for me back in the summer and I felt absolutley awful. All those viral infections on top of Lyme... Well, there just really are no words.
Lastly, know that I'm thinking about you and caring very much. Love you, friend. (((Hugs)))
Day 309: Are Rising Virus Levels Ever A Good Sign???
That was my question when I visited a new doctor today. For a minute, he looked at my new labs, then my old labs, then at me, then back at my file. "Not in your case," he said. "Especially not when your body's carrying 5-20 times the load it should be." He then goes on to explain how yea...
Wow, this sounds encouraging. Ever heard of Dr. Chi? I've taken some of his herbal supplements before and found them very helpful. Kathy, I hope and pray for even greater, lasting improvements for you friend. I hope and pray one hour in your art studio soon turns into two. Then three. And then perhaps half a day. I hope and pray your breathing becomes easier again. Unlabored. Normal.
Brighter tomorrow, look out; here we come!
Day 292: GU Lyme Update
Today marks my first full week of GU Treatment--Ancient China's herbal answer to modern Lyme Disease. Three times a day, I heap five teaspoons of compounded herbs into a dixie cup, mix with water, and gulp...ignoring the fact that what I am drinking tastes remarkably like leftover coffee gro...
I always love the way you write so authentically, Kathy. People relate to that. I relate to that. Perfection is such a big fat lie that gives nothing back in return except for emptiness. We might be a big beautiful mess but there's a great work in progress. You are beautiful too. Don't. Ever. Forget. It.
Day 291: Imperfect or I'm Perfect
Every once in a while, when things go really, really dark, I find myself speechless. I'm sure, deep down, I've something magical to say, but, before I can type asdfjkl;, my inner critic has a field day. IC: You can't talk about that. THAT's not interesting. IC: Complaining again. Nobody wan...
Okay, I've got my update. You wrote exactly what I was wondering about. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad physically. The exhaustion alone is debilitating, I know. Ugh.
I think it's a great idea to lay off all meds for a few days and give your body a break. I do that on occasion too.
My heart is with you, friend. I know there is alot of uncertainty. Lets just acknowledge that. But there is also alot of love and support as well. There is also alot of toughness we collectively bring to this table called Lyme. We are all in this to-ge-ther; each of us working to find something to help make that significant difference. Sometimes, there just aren't any words; only hugs. (((HUGS))) Love you, Kathy.
Day 280: Leap
Source Bottoms up. It's official. Last night marked my last dose of Ivermectin. I made it out alive...even if it was by the skin of my teeth. Thirty days on enough medication to dope four horses--I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm pretty impressed with myself. Now, the true test. Was it w...
Lol x 3. I love the letter and like your Angel very much! Man, he looks so much like Johnny Depp. That says something if you're still laughing after 8 years. You both are wonderful people. Trust me; I know these kinds of things :D Love to you and Angel.
Day 248: Why Everyone Should Marry A Filipino Pirate
The actual birthday card my husband wrote out for a friend's 1-year old today.... Altered Today: Still laughing after 8 years... My Angel...wish everyone could have one.
Michelle Holderman is now following Kathy
Aug 7, 2011
Really interesting.
Day 212: My ART Testing Experience
Parasites Stage 1 by Stasia Burrington "Lyme Central"--That's how my Mom answered the phone when I called today. Without getting into the who's and what's of it, I'll just say this: New tests are proving daily...I'm not alone in my dia...
Oh and nice video clip. Made me feel better :) I love Burt and Ernie! Who doesn't love Sesame Street?
Day 211: The Race To Nowhere
photo by twotoneatl via PhotoRee It's official; I have a double chin. Not like that's news...I've been heavy for a while. But, for some ...
I love your honesty and transparency, Kathy. I totally get it. And I love that you are giving yourself the gift of acceptance. Not easy I know. But this is a lesson for many of us. Thank you for blogging about what's on your heart. And I think you're beautiful too!
As a friend of mine often says to me - Be gentle with yourself.
Day 211: The Race To Nowhere
photo by twotoneatl via PhotoRee It's official; I have a double chin. Not like that's news...I've been heavy for a while. But, for some ...
I love tea! And tea parties! Great pics. Looks like it was tremendous fun with good friends. So glad to hear you had such a wonderful afternoon, Kathy. While they may be few, those are the times that are well cherished even long after. They give you something to go on and recall with a smile during those long days, weeks and/or months when you aren't able to get out. Take care. Love and Blessings to you!
Day 206: Time for Tea 2011
Lots to experience at today's gluten free/sugar free tea party. Food... Friends... Fun... Love... I am tired, but it's good tired; the way you are when you trade a day for something worthwhile. Thank you Debbie, Denise, and Angel for ma...
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Jun 26, 2011
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