Ummm...the image of you cleaning out your warm freezer just about made me barf. Only because I can totally visualize what kind of disgusting sludge I would find in mine if that happened. It would be a nuclear waste site. I still have like 10 pounds of breastmilk in little plastic baggies all over the bottom of my freezer (underneath the 3 year old meat, stale bread, ravioli, frozen soups, beans, etc and other random meals I didn't enjoy the first time but that I can't ever bear to throw away so I freeze it in hopes that maybe I'll want to eat it next year after it's gotten freezer burn and turned a strange shade of puke green) because when Diego finally started nursing right and I didn't need it, I could only make so many trips to the dumpster with my own breastmilk before I felt like I might kill someone with a breastpump. Or something. Yeah, the breast milk donation people don't want your milk if it wasn't directly pumped into their own special containers. That was dissapointing. Anyway, sorry you had to spend Xmas even with fish juice in your hair. But hey, great story. You certainly made me feel much better about having to eat cow intestine soup at my in-laws tomorrow. At least I don't have to prepare it myself.

"As soft as a newborn Bieber." Now that's classic.

Dude. I HATE beets. I would have died if I had been served that salad. Or killed the waiter. One or the other. On another note, your description of your false eyelashes just about had me choking to death on this piece of banana bread here. I can totally imagine what I would look like if I let my husband even try to apply my blush, much less false eyelashes. But you looked really pretty in the photos. I think you exaggerated!

The image of a 911 operator putting me on hold to finish a burrito makes me laugh! You are hilarious. Sorry about Hank! My little Diego is just like him. He is forever getting himself into some kind of trouble. Not too long ago he fell into our piano bench while just standing still (????) and had to get stitches right above his eye. I was just glad he didn't lose an eyeball. PS I also love the image of you putting on a bra and being overdressed in the ER. But you are so right on. I know this from WAY too much personal experience. Unfortunatley.

OMG. All those photos are the best. But my fave is the one of your hubs with ME SO HORNY at the bottom. You must post that to his FB page.

I want half a dozen t-shirts and a whoopee cushion.

I am so glad that I don't have to work at an office anymore. Cuz I would have a heck of a time trying to get out of my stained PJs every day, brushing my teeth, and not checking my FB status every five minutes. Because I got important stuff going on on the FB like always, ya know what I mean?