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Patrick Julius
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By the way, maybe it's a quibble, but I object to the word "top" being used to mean the dominant role in a BDSM relationship. The word for that should be "dom", not "top". It already had a well-defined meaning, and that's the mechanical position of penetration in a gay pairing. We could use it by analogy to indicate the typical position of heterosexual intercourse, whereas "bottom" in a straight couple would mean pegging. The presumption is that all tops are dom, but this is simply not the case. I am a top-leaning vers who is also a sub-leaning switch. So while I would sometimes be dom/top, I'd more often be sub/top. Nathaniel is a dom, not a top; well, I guess he's also a top (unless he likes to get pegged?), but for completely different reasons.
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Well, I try. I think it's easier for queer men to get away with (which is why Dan Savage can do it). But I'm bi, so I can at least offer some reflections on the male-female dimension. Bi men are often accused of being vectors of infection from the gay community to the straight community---for once I'd like that infection to be memetic rather than biological. For instance, I just wrote a post questioning what the concept of a "sex object" means and what it contributes to feminist discourse:
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Jun 19, 2010