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inthehallofmirrors

Recent Activity

[Essaying] Bloggisization

Brian Dillon, Essayism. He writes beautifully, and has become famous by doing it. Actually I'd never heard of him until I started noticing those Fitzcarraldo Editions – are they named for somebody involved, or for Herzog's strange movie, and the... Continue reading

Posted 5 days ago at in the hall of mirrors

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June 5 is HIV Long-Term Survivors Day – it's actually a fairly recent phenomenon, with varied definitions. It's 5 June because that's when an article talking about five cases first appeared in the press, so – as in the work... Continue reading

Posted Jun 5, 2021 at in the hall of mirrors

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Anniversary, and questions

A few days ago was the fifteenth anniversary of this blog – 14 May 2006. I wanted to finish a blog entry from September 2019 – so a bit more than a year and a half ago – a fairly... Continue reading

Posted May 21, 2021 at in the hall of mirrors

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Mood [partly reconstituted]

[A post drafted in late November 2020; I have moved on from these things, a bit... and incidentally am now firmly of age, at 64. I apologize for the fragmentation: unfinished work, with later attempts to recapture some of the... Continue reading

Posted Feb 11, 2021 at in the hall of mirrors

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Last day of....

It is, approximately, the last warm day (or, the "last," "warm" day). Which means that today was in the low 70s – warm for the North Sea – and tomorrow is a fading version of the same, without sun. Then... Continue reading

Posted Sep 14, 2020 at in the hall of mirrors

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I am a bit tired today – a mistake in minor medications, a mildly bad night... and, as so often, I only realized at about five or six a.m. what the obvious mistake must have been, and why my guts... Continue reading

Posted Jun 21, 2020 at in the hall of mirrors

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The image seems clear, even obvious, to me – it could be from one of the better-written fantasies, or from a film about some medieval saga... an old man living alone in the woods; there is a shift in the... Continue reading

Posted Apr 12, 2020 at in the hall of mirrors

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Writing a Story for You

[A 1991 story written in Terry Wolverton's writing group; about Reid Beitrusten, who died 2 December 1983.] You’re dead, but you wanted to write stories. You were just about to get published, just about to start making it. So I’m... Continue reading

Posted Dec 2, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Ah, I'm getting it now

Alison Bechdel, Fun Home. Yes, it's thirteen years old now, and was actually turned into a stage show... what can I say, I'm behind the times. I've just read it. *** The blurbs treated it as complex and subtle and... Continue reading

Posted Oct 6, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Ancient history

I'm in a casual, student-y restaurant in August: which means it's fairly empty. The big, friendly black cook looks at me inquiringly – I'll stick with this cider (yes, it's fruit-flavored, shut up you) and won't have dinner for another... Continue reading

Posted Aug 12, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Defense / critique

2:18 a.m. Zürich time: my thesis defense at the Jung-Institut is at 9 am. My phone's alarm is set for 6:20 – very early for me; and because I frequently get annoying side effects at night (headaches, itching, stomach aches)... Continue reading

Posted Jun 19, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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A night on the town

Saturday of a three-day weekend. A benefit for the gay rugby team... they're sweet guys, I know I'll go to this thing... but last night (i.e. Friday of the three-day weekend) I did a presentation for the new student Youth... Continue reading

Posted May 25, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Well... not quite the anniversary. It was thirteen years since this blog was begun... as of yesterday. A day late, that's appropriate for a thirteenth anniversary, yes? ••• No posts since the new year; which doesn't mean I'm giving up... Continue reading

Posted May 15, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Finishing the year

When you read older fiction and someone refers to dragging a steel bath into the kitchen and filling it with kettles of boiling water, do you wonder... what would that be like? I don't think I could stand it. •••... Continue reading

Posted Jan 1, 2019 at in the hall of mirrors

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Restless [Dreams]

Dark of the year. Winter solstice, full moon, close to each other: death and life. As everything gets slower, calmer, there is a lot of time – and a lot of mental space.... All my analysands seem charged: some are... Continue reading

Posted Dec 21, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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It has felt like a rather heavy month at points.... Or no, it hasn't, or perhaps it has intermittently. Cheerful bits, lively bits, confidence and – and a disappointed sense of stuckness (a partial stuckness, admittedly) around the thesis, around... Continue reading

Posted Nov 14, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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Fall... University is starting; I'm in better shape than last year – not energetic, but cheerful, calm. Frequently my body falls into a haze of slow-motion quasi-weakness – not like a sickness, just drained of energy; but it doesn't feel... Continue reading

Posted Oct 1, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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A time of flickering changes, referents – going through books, CDs, tech, implements and bowls and glasses, my office at school, my office at home, the living room, the kitchen: the world of things. There are burdens here, and entanglements... Continue reading

Posted Sep 9, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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Raise your glass

I can't easily explain it: a link between an unexpectedly named day, a song I didn't understand, and a set of unfamiliar feelings.... It's been a bit odd: I was throwing references to this stuff at my friends all day... Continue reading

Posted Jun 5, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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The sky is a mixture of dim golds and blues.... ••• Last week, we had four beautiful days of summer. Early May; those four days were strictly delimited – the weather was forecast to change on the fifth day to... Continue reading

Posted May 14, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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Comfortable on the precipice

I think: there's a smell of doom, and power, in the room... ••• I am working on my thesis for the Jung-Institut, which is on the verge of being late, or too late; is methodologically not yet solid; is built... Continue reading

Posted Apr 29, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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14:23 = 2:23 pm 10 March 2018 = Saturday ... Having left M. with a hug at the station (one of those hugs between men that always make me wonder, in a flash, whether non-gay locals find this unusual, but... Continue reading

Posted Mar 13, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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The six-hour essay exam is about to end: I am in the small, coolly organised office at the top of the building, looking down across the garden to the lake. I have eaten my lunch at the table to my... Continue reading

Posted Feb 27, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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Fifth Continent, part deux

[A week in Cape Town, South Africa, at the end of July 2017... continued from part 1. Yes, I did take a long time to finish writing this!....] ••• On Tuesday morning we are good and organised tourists: or really... Continue reading

Posted Jan 22, 2018 at in the hall of mirrors

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A different three in the morning

'Three in the morning' has shown up in several of my published papers around AIDS since the mid-1990s. It generally refers to the same nexus of memory, feeling, implications: a quality of being in a hospital room, an anonymous room... Continue reading

Posted Nov 22, 2017 at in the hall of mirrors

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