I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from ????) Friday is payday. The White Horse cashes your check - no waiting!: six bits on the dollar, and you get a free beer. Some workers drink their wages away. Other workers have some sense and go home with some cents. Saturday, the workers who can't work don't. Too old, too sick, too dumb, or too smart - they go to The White Horse. You get a free corned beef sandwich. And that's how it goes. One time, there was... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from The Boston Globe) Dramatis Personae: (from left to right) Doris Bill Improv Coach (offstage) Scene: A Rehearsal Studio ($28/hour). BILL I like carrots. DORIS Yes, I like carrots, and I like to cook them with brown sugar. BILL Yes, I like to cook carrots, and I like BOOBS! IMPROV COACH Bill, that's not "and-ing." Don't invent. BILL If ONLY I invented boobs! DORIS (under her breath) Jesus Christ... IMPROV COACH Okay, let's try again. Your suggestion is "candle." Doris begins... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from Cvlt Nation) “Oh wow, you’re reading Infinite Jest! It’s so great. Seriously. It’s probably my favorite book[1]. … “Yeah, I mean, it’s so dense. Like, there’s new stuff you find every time you reread it. Like, with my most recent rereading, I was only focusing on the way David Foster Wallace structured the story into fractals – specifically the Sierpinski Triangle. Silence. “So, where are you at in it?” … “Oh wow, yeah, the AA stuff is my favorite. When... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from This Place) Dramatis Personae: Leopold Gertrude Scene: Leopold’s Office. LEOPOLD Gertrude, I shall now commence to dictate a letter. GERTRUDE Yes, sir. LEOPOLD “Dearest Sir or Madam.” “Colon.” Beat. No. Make it… “To whom it may concern, colon.” GERTRUDE Yes, sir. LEOPOLD No, make it, “Sir or Madam, colon.” “Dearest” sounds a little too… namby-pamby. Wouldn’t you agree? GERTRUDE Yes, sir. LEOPOLD Continuing on: “I am writing to you today-“ Wait! What if I were to begin, “Salutations, exclamation point?”... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from the Wilds of Pinterest) Pendleton was a rebel. Whenever people took his photograph, he always looked off-to-the-side. Whenever acquaintances (Pendleton had no friends) asked him to play in mud puddles, he always wore a sensible dress. And whenever Pendleton found himself confronting two roads diverged in a wood, he always took the road more traveled because, “I’m not some cliched, self-congratulatory motherfucker.” Pendleton was always looking for a reason to punch you in the face. He rode around on a... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from Metro) "Okay, a 'weird' thing about me... "Um... "Okay! Got it! "It's the craziest thing: my parents don't know why, and my therapist can't figure it out. But, ever since I was a kid, I've been horrified of... "Breakfast cereal." PAUL PAKLER is an actor and writer living in New York City. EMAIL HIM | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from Jupiterimages/Comstock/Thinkstock) It started off nicely, on Sunday with Jake A luncheon! (invisible tea and some cake) Yvette and Diane had RSVP’d, Which concerned Jake and me, oh so greatly indeed. "Yvette and Diane?! Like a dog and a cat!" (Jake finds it offensive each time I say that) So I sat right between them, the consummate host, “Just leave it to me, Jake.” (Delusional boast...) “You’re ugly!” “You’re stupid!” “You smell like a fart!” “Oh please, my dear ladies, let’s... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph by Harry Whittier Frees) Dramatis Personae: (from left to right) Dorothy Emily Bernice Henrietta Mildred Scene: A Dining Room. DOROTHY, EMILY, BERNICE, HENRIETTA, and MILDRED drink tea. DOROTHY It is so nice to have tea again. MILDRED Yes. EMILY It really is. Thank you, Bernice. BERNICE Yes, well, I have always kept stores. Maman taught us to be prepared for all contingencies. Silence. MILDRED Thank goodness for that, Bernice. EMILY I used to love having white tea in the evening. Alex... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from The Wilds of Pinterest) REVIEW: THE FAULT, DEAR BAGNER, IS IN YOUR PLAY By Lionel Johnson (Theater Reviewer for The Times) “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” And some are Phillip Bagner - the “playwright” of Dog Seers, Dogs’ Ears, Dog Years - a new Off-Off-Broadway “play” currently besmirching the good name of the Findley Theatre. If there is a God in heaven, Dog Seers, Dogs’ Ears, Dog Years has closed by... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from American Children in the Past) “This is your great-great-grandpa, Hyman. He’s your… Wait, he’s my dad’s mom’s dad? I think? So, he’d be your grandpa’s grandpa. “It’s funny. He looks so old even though he’s young. I mean, he’s probably eleven or twelve, but he looks like a grown-up. Don’t you think? It’s the suit. I wish boys and men still wore suits. Wouldn't your dad look great in a suit? “You two look alike, I think. Handsome. Look, your... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from Ned Hardy) “Hey, you see them nuns over- “WHOA! DON'T LOOK AT 'EM! Are you stupid or somethin’?! “They’re smokin’! Cigarettes! You see that?! “WOULDJA QUIT LOOKIN’ AT THEM NUNS?! “Did I or did I not toldja not to look?! You want they should see you lookin’ at ‘em?! You know what’ll happen if them nuns see you lookin’?! They see you, and you’re with me, and then both our asses are grass! “I’ll tell you what: them’s are some... Continue reading

I take photographs from the internet and then write short stories about them! By Paul Pakler (Actor, Writer) (Photograph from Old Believers) Never before had the three Krulaski brothers been in the same place. Sure, the Krulaski brothers had, since they were children, lived in the same house. And sure, the Krulaski brothers had, since they were children, shared the same bedroom. And sure sure, the Krulaski brothers had, since they were children, never ever left each other’s side. But no matter how close their physical proximity, Filbert, Hector, and Leopold Krulaski had, since they were children, never felt the... Continue reading