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penny
I'm a writer and editor with two grown children and four grands.
Interests: parenting, yoga, bicycling, novels about India, memoir writing
Recent Activity
Observation: We are no longer the "finishing school" for our adult kids
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We may not like the way our adult kids dress or tat their arms or use foul language. We may want them to change the way they cut their hair or, for their health's sake, lose weight! But "fixing" adult... Continue reading
Posted Jan 4, 2023 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Holiday Greetings: And a reminder about stress and family get togethers.
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The Holidays are upon us. May there be peace and joy in our lives and in family get-togethers. But just in case, here's a column I wrote a few months ago about the behavioral stresses at play when our adult... Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Observation: Parenting Coach Meghan Leahy on solving our grown children's problems
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When our kids were young, we were their problem solvers. It came with the parenting territory. We had to keep them safe, help them understand how the world works and show them how to move toward independence. Now that our... Continue reading
Posted Nov 15, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Covid Realities: The new normal for caring for our kids when they get sick.
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Several years ago when my daughter lived clear across the country, she called late one evening. She was sick and so was her husband and the baby--my year-old granddaughter. "I wish you lived next door," she said in a dispirited,... Continue reading
Posted Nov 7, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Our Children, Our Bosses: A change in the dynamics of who's taking charge of whom.
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Friends of ours just returned from four weeks in Italy. Days of sunshine. Mornings with una tazza di caffè. So delightful. They stayed at a four-story house their son and his family have rented: Their daughter-in-law was appointed to a... Continue reading
Posted Oct 26, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Family Harmony and Holidays: The stress is baked in
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The holidays are coming. Maybe you've been distracted by the disastrous hurricanes or the sudden outbreak of winter weather. But Thanksgiving is not that far away. That dinner often sits on the back burner because, unlike multi-generational family get-togethers around... Continue reading
Posted Oct 18, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Togetherness through Technology: Making up for a canceled visit.
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Our bags were packed, boarding passes downloaded and shuttle to the airport confirmed. The night before we were to leave to visit our son and his family for the weekend, a text arrived. Our DIL just wanted us to know... Continue reading
Posted Sep 29, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Money Matters: Raising cash to help your kids fix up their house
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If I were to survey my friends and their friends, I'm pretty sure I would find that almost all of us who could afford it helped our grown kids buy their first home. As a generational trend, it's kind of... Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Are We Still the Boss? Experts have their say on the wisdom of being advisors to our adult children
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Best if we had started when our kids were teens but it's never too late to remember that we have moved from being the boss of them to being consultants to our grown children--even as it's hard to act on... Continue reading
Posted Sep 15, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Money Matters: When our heirs get ahead of themselves (and us).
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We have an elderly cousin. He never married and lives alone in a Park Avenue apartment where the walls are lined with old paintings that may or may not be worth a small fortune. His closest relatives (besides us and... Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Grandparent Interference: Mind the intergenerational gap and the boundaries our children set for us
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Are our adult children too tough about what their children can and cannot eat or drink? It's especially annoying when we are guilt-tripped out of offering them our just-baked chocolate chip muffins or handing them a cold, individual box of... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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What if we don't like the way our children parent their children? Part 2
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A few weeks ago, I posted an observation from Meghan Leahy on the limits we should impose on ourselves. That is, we should not offer our adult children advice on parenting their children--unless they've asked us for it. In that... Continue reading
Posted Aug 17, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Leaving a Legacy: Passing on the passwords and other digital conundrums
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Pity our poor adult children. When they meet the love of their life and decide to commit to each other, they face an ordeal we didn't: Whether to and how to merge digital accounts. If newlyweds decide to save money... Continue reading
Posted Aug 10, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Observation: Meghan Leahy on parenting and grandparenting 101.
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Are we ever 100 percent pleased with the way our kids are bringing up their kids? There's always something we think they're getting wrong. That's what's behind Meghan Leahy's observation on our role as parents of adult children and as... Continue reading
Posted Aug 3, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Money Matters: Can we control the gifts rich relatives give our kids?
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We're a protective species. When it comes to our kids, we want fair play in all things, even when it's only a matter of gifts from family members. Or maybe I should say, especially when it's gifts from family members... Continue reading
Posted Jul 27, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Covid Seniors: Are our adult kids still trying to be our parents?
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Some of us whose adult children are now of sandwich-generation age--meaning their teen- and 20-something kids are becoming independent while their parents are evolving toward ancient--have a "take control" attitude toward their parents. It may be a hangover from the... Continue reading
Posted Jul 20, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Compassion for Today's Adult Kids, Part 2: Parenting and the fearful world of "canceling"
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We more senior parents are somewhat removed from the modern-day stresses our adult children and grandchildren are experiencing. (see my post last week) That list did not include one of the most pernicious stresses: A cancelation and self-censorship culture, particularly... Continue reading
Posted Jul 8, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Compassion for our adult kids who are parenting in today's world
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When I first became a parent, my mother would chime in with kid-raising tips. Some of it was helpful; some annoying but for the most part there was little in her experience of raising my brother and myself to clue... Continue reading
Posted Jun 23, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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your words bring joy to my heart--that my blog posts are offering you guidance and helping to spread calm even as you fear a storm is about to erupt. The change of scene, the relaxing atmosphere, the joy of hearing the ocean or walking on the beach--all will work out. If it doesn't measure up to your most hopeful dreams, so what? You honored your parents with a lovely gift to your children. They'll find good memories to carry forward. So will you.
Toggle Commented Jun 16, 2022 on Vacationing with Grown Children and Grandkids: Five rules for the road and the rental at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
The Grandchild IOU: Can we sue if our kids don't reproduce?
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Here's the premise: After we've helped support our adult children through college and early work years, they (and their spouse) owe us grandkids. If they don't deliver, they should pay us back. Moreover, we can sue them if they don't... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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We Are Style Setters: TikTok says our comfy ways meet the moment for adult kids and their peers.
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Stunning news on the older-parent front: The Washington Post tells us that our grown kids, their kids and the generations in between are embracing the comforts of the grannie style--a trend the Post describes as "billowy linen pants, slipcovered sofas... Continue reading
Posted Jun 7, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Our Children's Love Lives: What to do when we object to their choice for a mate.
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We're not always happy with our child's choice of their future spouse or significant other. Our reservations about them may not be centered on the old standby, "No one is good enough." We may have valid concerns about the future... Continue reading
Posted May 31, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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Leaving a Legacy: What about those digital assets?
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We don't like to think about what life will be like when we're no longer here and whether our grown children will act like adults when divvying up our worldly goods. We may assume we've taken care of that by... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not comment on thy children's appearance.
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When my brother was recovering from his first round of chemo for intestinal cancer, he put on a lot of weight. He was 45 years old, six feet tall and he blimped up to almost 300 pounds. My mother was... Continue reading
Posted May 11, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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The Wisdom of our Children: When the balance of giving advice tips in their favor
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A funny thing has happened on our way to becoming older parents: We may find that our grown kids have acquired wisdom and good sense. And now, as we age into our more senior adult years, they share their gravitas... Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2022 at Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us
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