Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Holistic Health Educator and Coach www.WellnessWayforWomen.com www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com Many of us love our pets. They become part of our families. The topic here is whether or not one should buy a pet for the benefit of the grandchildren to teach them responsibility by caring for a pet. I suppose the answer to this is if you are a big pet person yourself and are used to the care that is involved. We had dogs and cats when my granddaughters were small. I was in charge of the animals as well as the children. The kiddos did like to "help." Life made many changes for us after seven years. The girls went back to mom for a few years, my pug died, and I had to rehome my cat. So I was childless with no pets, a lonely time. When the girls returned to me as teenagers, pets seemed like an automatic extension to our reunited family, and of course teenagers promised to take care of the dog. My point, is it really realistic to count on busy youngsters or teenagers (or maybe even not so busy ones) to actually take a dog on an adequate walk before school, after school, and bedtime along with everything else that comes with pet care without repeated reminders? I know of grandparents who get pets with full expectations that a school child will take full responsibility. They often become frustrated, angry, and end up rehoming their pet. So please think this through carefully before getting a pet. We have a dog and a cat again. My teenager, still at home, is more than willing to "help" when I ask her or when she has assigned limited responsibilities. Some responsibility can be great for the kids, but expecting FULL responsibility will likely create a bad experience. If you do not mind being the responsible adult with "help" from the kids, it can be a great experience. If the litter box stinks and the dog does his business by the door, and you get angry, you KNOW getting a pet is not a good idea. If you don't mind being the main caretaker, go for it, and let the entire family benefit from the added love of your furry friends. Karen Wright: grandmother raising a teenager, Bagel our Beagle, and Leo our white haired, blue eyed cat. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health Educator and Holistic Wellness Coach www.Raisingyourgrandchildren.com www.WellnessWayforWomen.com OH MY GOODNESS: A dinner mishap. Faith (17 year old granddaughter) wanted to make barbequed chicken sandwiches for dinner, so we went grocery shopping. She used our Insta Pot, which I don't even know how to use, to make the chicken. While it was cooking, our dog Bagel the Beagle was throwing up chunks of stuff all over the house. What the heck? I had no idea what he was throwing up. THEN when the chicken was done, Faith asked me if I knew where the 100% whole wheat hamburger buns were we bought. Me: "No, I don't. They should be in the kitchen. We just bought them." They were no where in the kitchen. Faith: "Oh geez, Bagel has them in his cage. He has eaten 4 of the hamburger buns. That is what he was throwing up. Well, I'm going to eat the other buns anyway." I said, "Me too." So we ate delicious barbequed chicken sandwiches with probably dog slobber on the buns. I know that sounds gross, but the sandwiches were really good. LOL That is a rather humorous memory my granddaughter and I will always have. We must hold on to any bits of humor that come our way. Karen Wright, Grandmother raising a teenager Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A, Holistic Health & Wellness Coach www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com Holidays can bring joy and excitement into our lives or they can bring sadness, loneliness and tears. I'm not even going to pretend to know which is more painful, to be young, lonely, and separated from family or to be a grandparent raising children pretending that everything is as we want it to be. Every situation is different. We may be "young" grandparents with the energy and money we need to make Christmas a wonderful time of the year. Or we may be "older" grandparents living on social security trying to raise children on a shoe string with health issues that come with getting older. But one thing I do know is when we focus on our blessings, we are happier. Sometimes that blessing is just knowing we are providing the safest and most loving home possible for a family child. What greater gift can we give a child than to keep them safe and loved? What greater gift can we give ourselves than to know we are making a difference in someone's life. No matter how big or small you celebrate the holidays, may you always remember and be grateful for the blessings you give these children and the blessings they bring into your life, even if that blessing is making you a stronger and more resilient person. Do something this year that will help you and your grandchildren think about those whose lives are harder than yours. Bringing Joy to someone else, helps to bring Joy to our lives as well. Karen Wright, grandmother raising a teenager Continue reading

Support Group in Casey County, KY Casey APAC (Alternative Parent Action Council) will meet November 5th, 6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. @ Casey Co Public Library, Community Room. If you are raising children that are not living with their biological parents (Grandparents, other relatives, foster parents, etc.), make plans to attend! Activities for children will be available for children during this meeting. For more information, please email APAC@caseykyschools.onmicrosoft.com Monthly meetings are held the first Monday of each month at 6:30 pm. Posted by: Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A, Health Educator RaisingYourGrandchildren.com TheWellnessWay.org Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Wellness Coach www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org A Free Online summit for parents and grandparents hosted by Susan Stiffleman, MFT October 23, 24, 25, 2018. Sign up free today. This is a great opportunity to listen to several professionals about parenting, grandparenting, and relationship issues. http://parentingwithoutpowerstruggles.ontraport.com/t?orid=128140&opid=2 Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A, Health Educator and Wellness Coach www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org The following words are from a grandmother who is raising her daughter's son. With her permission, I am sharing her thoughts. 1) I have accepted that I am not my daughter and she is NOT me; 2) Compassion is NOT a weakness, nor is harshness a strength; 3) My grandson has enough love to go around and it’s ok if Mom is still #1 with him; 4) Life is like a stair case. Remember...While each one of us might be on a different step and climb at different speeds, it is always harder to climb up than to go down and crutches make the climb that much harder; 5) I am in the situation I am in because I am responsible and caring not because I am a victim; 6) The only one without a choice is my grandson; 7) Drama fuels the emotional rollercoaster so avoid it as much as possible; 8) When dealing with the court’s and social services, the best approach is to identify the problem and ask how you can help Mom resolve an issue rather than be accusatory; 9) I choose to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem; and finally 10) I see myself as a beacon of light, love, and hope in what otherwise might be a very dark world for my grandson. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org Why would grandparents adopt their grandchildren? Grandparents who are already raising their grandchildren may or may not want to adopt them. There are pros and cons to adopting grandchildren. It works out really well in some situations but not so well in other situations. When a grandparent might want to adopt: To create long-term stability and prevent children from possibly being shuffled back and forth between caregivers - both parents parental rights must be terminated first. To decide who they want to care for their grandchildren should something happen to them. If they are retired and on social security, there are added financial benefits for adopted children but not children a grandparent may merely have in custody. When children are placed with grandparents as foster children through child services and then adopted, there are often added benefits to the children, adoption costs paid, continued financial assistance for the children, and even college tuition assistance. When a grandparent might not want to adopt: When parents are still involved with the children and it is not possible or desirable to terminate parental rights. When grandparents received custody/guardianship of children outside of the formal child welfare system, it is often harder to terminate parental rights and the cost of the adoption is placed on the grandparents. If a grandparent adopts a grandchild outside of the formal child welfare system, any financial assistance a grandparent might be receiving for the child in the form of a child-only TANF grant would be discontinued. Whether or not it is the best option for grandparents to adopt their grandchildren totally depends on their personal and family situation. This is not a topic to be taken lightly. If a grandparent is raising a grandchild placed with them through child services and they want to adopt, talking to the case worker is the first step. If a grandparent wants to adopt a grandchild that they have custody/guardianship of, they would do well to contact an attorney who specializes in family adoptions. Adopting grandchildren is not the right decision for all families, but it is a good decision for many. Karen Wright, a custodial grandmother Continue reading

Ormond Beach, Volusia County, Florida support group for grandparents raising grandchildren. Last Wednesday of each month, 6:00 pm. RSVP to Jennifer 386-672-4470 Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchidren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org RRC Families (relatives raising children) Our online FB support group for grandparents and relatives raising children has moved locations. Same group, same important group rules. If you are not a member and would like to join, please visit us and read about our group, either under DESCRIPTION or on the group ABOUT or INFO page. This group is for grandparents and other relatives raising children. This is not for birth parents or the children themselves. https://www.facebook.com/groups/RRCfamilies/about/ Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org Jessica Freeman, Ph.D. from South Dakota State University is conducting research about the unique challenges faced by grandfamilies and the communication surrounding processes of advanced directives and end-of-life planning. You must have been the primary caregiver to at least one grandchild in the last 12 months to participate. Dr. Freeman is an assistant professor and was raised by her own grandmother. A link to her university information can be found at https://www.sdstate.edu/directory/jessica-freeman. To participate, please contact Dr. Freeman by emailing her at Jessica.Freeman@sdstate.edu with your name, phone number, and a good time to call you to set up an interview. The study will take about 45 minutes of your time. Dr. Freeman can be reached at 316-573-6871 if you have any questions. From Karen: I have already been personally interviewed by Dr. Freeman and believe it is valuable information and encourage all interested to participate. Continue reading

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org If you find yourself "older" and raising children (most likely your grandchildren) all over again, it is time to get new glasses. What do I mean by that? It means you are going to need a completely new perspective when it comes to parenting your grandchildren than when you were parenting your own children. Now that doesn't mean you are necessarily going to parent all that differently. That is up to you, but changing your expectations is vital for everyone's health and well-being. 5 Things that will be different 1) You have competition (even though this really isn't a competition). If you are a woman, you likely were your child's only mom. You were it. You really never thought about it much. Now, no matter how much time you give to parenting, the children know their "real mom" is out there someplace. Maybe they see her regularly or maybe they don't. But she exists. No matter their experiences with their "real mom," you are going to be compared as they get older. Lucky you. 2) You get to deal with legal issues you likely never had to deal with before. Your 401K might be spent on lawyers to perhaps get custody away from the state or even your own child (a horrible thought). When your children were sick, you simply took them to the doctor. You probably never had to prove you had legal rights to take your own children to the doctor or put them in school. Then there is the legal issues of adopting should you choose to go that route. If your own children were your birth children, you never had to consider adopting them to keep them safe. 3) You had nine months to mentally or financially prepare for your own child, and you usually got one at a time, as a newborn. Not so when you accept the responsibility of raising someone else's children. You usually get very little notice and they often come in two's or three's or even more. 4) Now that you are older, you likely will have health issues that you didn't have 20 or 30 years ago. Most of us simply don't have the energy at 50 or 60+ that we had at 30. So now rather than just dealing with the cold you got every fall when the kids went back to school, you are possibly dealing with arthritis, high blood pressure, menopause, and so many more unpleasant "older persons" health issues. 5) The money you had saved for retirement or need to be saving for retirement is now needed for larger housing - rather than downsizing to fit your retirement income - school clothes, lessons, and even children's medical needs. Even if the children have Medicaid, it may not pay for the braces your teen needs. So what now? Your teen grandchild either lives with crooked teeth or you dip into whatever savings you have or should have.... Continue reading

I have a friend, Connie Parbon Green, who has started a new Facebook support group for LGBTQ family members raising children. If you are a grandparent raising a grandchild or another family member raising a relative's child and you are interested in joining this "closed" facebook group, please visit LGBTQ Raising Family Members. You must have a FB account to join. It's free. There is a group for everyone. Karen Wright www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health Educator and Wellness Coach www.TheWellnessWay.org www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com I get a lot of comments on posts that are several years old. I try to answer them, but I doubt the person posting the question or comment even sees my reply. The best way to get an answer to your question if you are a kinship caregiver (a grandparent or relative raising children) is to join our Facebook group, our RRC Community. RRC stands for Relative Raising Children. If you are interested and have a FB account, please go to our page and request to join. You will be given three questions to answer. Once those are answered, you can expect to get a message and Friend request from me before you can be added to our group. Our group rules are a bit different than other grandparent groups, so the group rules must be read carefully and accepted. https://www.facebook.com/groups/RRCsupport/ We are a closed group that is open to new members. Karen - a grandmother raising two teenage granddaughters. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org I received this information about the First Annual Caregivers Seminar in Dallas/Ft. Worth are August 1, 2017. 1) Unpaid caregivers of older adults 2) Unpaid caregivers of person with disabilities 3) Grandparents (or other relatives) raising children under the age of 18 Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org I was asked to review a new children's book, Where is Robin? This charming and colorful book was written by Robin Barone and illustrated by Robyn Mitchell. Robin is a curious little bird who strikes out on an adventurous journey to discover the United States. She visits interesting and famous landmarks based on American history. As I read this children's book I found myself eagerly waiting to see which part of the United States Robin would discover next. An excellent book for your grandchild or any child for that matter. I will be giving my copy of this cute book to one of my grandchildren. This is the first book in a series about Robin's traveling adventures. Look for it on Amazon or at your favorite book store. Continue reading

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org In today's society teenagers have extra challenges in learning financial responsibility. Jobs once held by teenagers are now dominated by adults and even semi-retired seniors trying to make ends meet. Seniors raising grandchildren can be extra challenged if they had expected their expenses to be reduced when they reached retirement age. My granddaughter, Marlie (Myah in my book) is now 16 and is using her creativity to help pay for activities that are not in my family budget as a single grandmother raising two teens. She has gotten very good at knitting ruffle scarves that are fashionable. Right now she has the following two scarves available for purchase, a burgundy/maroon scarf and a multi-colored tan/ivory/pinkish scarf. These scarves are for fashion not for winter warmth. If you are interested in purchasing a scarf from Marlie and supporting her in her efforts to learn responsibility, contact me. The cost is $18, including shipping within the US 48 states. She currently has other colors also available. Continue reading

By Karen Best Wright, Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessway.org Those of us who are caring full-time for grandchildren have many differences. The one thing we have in common is that we are raising children at a time in our lives that we likely had not expected to be raising children. Our differences are more varied. Some of us may have the children for a short time while a parent is absent and then returns. Some of us have had our adult child call us for help by taking the young ones because their lives are a mess and they can't parent. Some have had CPS call because the children are in the custody of the state, and they are looking for relatives to take the children. Some children stay in the custody of the state and are "fostered" by the grandparents. Others are placed permanently with the grandparent or other relative and the state withdraws from the situation, closes the case, and the grandparent becomes the legal guardian or is given full custody, depending on the state. Some grandparents have their grandchildren because their own child is deceased. Sometimes the children stay with the grandparents temporarily, maybe a few months or even a few years. Other grandparents adopt their grandchildren and take full responsibility as if they were their birth children. Anyway you look at it, there are challenges. Rarely, is it easy. Grandparents face various challenges from dealing with addicted parents, various court dates, legal fees, and how to support the grandchildren. With many grandparents in their 50's, 60's, and even 70's, they often deal with various health issues of their own that they didn't have 20 or 30 years earlier. The advice given by grandparents who have been raising grandchildren for several years usually counsel those new to this journey to stay focused on the well-being of the children and not become consumed with the problems of their parents. This can be difficult when the parent is their own child. So where does all of this lead? Well, where do you want it to lead? Do you want this to be temporary? Do you want it to be permanent with custody, or do you want to adopt? Remember, that what we want may or may not be how things go. Sometimes when I wonder what am I actually accomplishing with two teenage grandchildren, I realize that for now I am providing a safe environment that is drug free, alcohol free, and violent free. I try to provide more than that as a single grandmother, but realize if that is all I can do, we are okay. While we all have something in common, we are also very different. In spite of our differences, we can be a support to each other. Karen Wright Grandmother in love with her grandchildren Continue reading

Karen Best Wright www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org The holidays can be a very emotional time for grandparents and grandchildren who are a family unit without the parents. Of the many grandparents I have communicated with, it appears to me the stress depends on many factors. Some grandparents want the parents involved who do not want to be involved. Other grandparents do not want the parents involved who want to be involved. The children can be stuck in the middle. Babies and small children seem less likely to be affected by having Christmas with just their grandparents. As children get older, they have more memories of how things used to be, whether pleasant or painful. So while the media makes Christmas such a joyous time for everyone, it simply isn't joyous for all families. It can be a time that brings pain in spite of the efforts made to make it a wonderful time to remember. It definitely is different than what many grandparents and children expected to be experiencing. I know this year is not how my granddaughters expected to be celebrating Christmas. My grands with me are teens and as the holidays approach, I see and feel their emotions all over the place. My wish is that all families, regardless of the design, find ways to make new traditions or bring back old ones to build happy memories that will last a lifetime. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Karen Wright Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health Educator www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org It seems the majority of grandparents that I meet through my online support group are raising small children. They are still at the beginning of their journey. But I have been noticing that as time goes on, I meet more grandparents (through my online support group) raising teenagers. That has personally been helpful to me, since I am raising two teenage girls, ages 14 and 16. The girls lived with me several years when they were tiny, but went back to live with their mother until this last year. My book "I LOVE YOU FROM THE EDGES: Lessons from Raising Grandchildren" ends when the girls are with their mother. When they returned to me as teenagers, I was ill prepared. I think I was expecting to pick up where we had left off (they were 7 and 9 at the time). Wow! that was not meant to be. A lot transpires for a child in six years. We all want to help our grandchildren adjust well to their new surroundings and life, but it often isn't that simple. Especially older kids come with many experiences we wish they had not had to endure. I don't believe my girls know anyone at school who live with a grandparent. They are highs school students. I look at some of our old photos when they were small and we were having loads of fun at the beach or on a vacation. Then I wonder, why aren't we having that much fun anymore. Well a 14 year old wants different things than a 7 year old does. Their moods are different (all over the place) and they want to be more independent, even if they aren't quite ready for what they believe is their right. So here is to all of you raising teens. Don't think you can solve everything. I have learned that even though my girls are really good girls when considering where they could be in life, they still need others (sometimes a professional therapist) to talk to because I am too emotionally involved in our conflicts. It's okay to get to know the parents of the teens your kids want to hang out with, even if your grands think you have lost your mind. Sometimes younger parents can be a real support when you see them doing an excellent job and they actually think the way you do. It can be empowering. Most of us have resorted to finding online support groups, just to find others who travel a similar path as we do. If interested in our online Facebook support group, you must have a FB account. We can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/RRCsupport/ We'd love to hear your stories of raising teen grandchildren. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, Health Educator/Wellness Coach www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org When it has been a long time since you had small children in your home, having young grandchildren either visit or come live with you can be worrisome. None of us want accidents to happen, especially ones that can easily be avoided. 10 Child-proofing ideas: Install smoke and carbon dioxide detectors in all bedrooms and an additional one on each floor. Always unplug and put away an iron after use. Install baby gates to keep babies and toddlers either in or out of designated areas. Do not have toy boxes that have hinged lids that can fall on little fingers. Keep pet food away from children. It is a choking hazard. Electric outlet covers are a must, preferably the type that can be screwed on. Keep medicine out of a child's reach, even if it does have child-proof lids. Children can be ingenious. Be aware of what houseplants or outdoor plants are poisonous and avoid them. Kitchen cabinets and drawers should have safety locks unless the contents are harmless and you don't mind the contents dumped on the floor. Always keep a fire extinguisher securely fastened to the wall. If you would like to learn 58 other child-proofing ideas, click here. Great Ideas by Contractor Quotes. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, Health Educator and Author www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org I communicate with many grandparents who are raising grandchildren. Way too many experience their own anger and those who are angry at them. It is hard for me to understand that a family member can be angry with a grandparent for spending their effort raising a grandchild (unless it is the resentful parent), but it happens. I have known of the grandparents' other grown children being angry. I know of spouses who get angry and even ex-spouses believe it or not. Many of these angry people don't even want to care for the children themselves. They simply want to find fault and be angry. So when I recently was faced with someone's anger because I chose to take two teenage granddaughters to finish raising, I had a choice. First I felt crushed and cried, and then I realized that the person was simply an angry person. I am sure I am not the only person this individual shows an angry attitude towards. All he wanted to see were my faults. So while I contemplated about my hurt feelings. I realized my heart was saying to me, "Do NOT let someone else's anger seep into your soul. Let it go and let yourself be free. I found this graphic (sorry I do not know who designed this graphic, but I felt it fit perfectly to my thoughts. Sometimes I have to breathe deeply and let myself feel the hurt feelings or the anger that might have been stirred in me and feel them flow out and and away from me. Unless, you have personally wronged an individual and need to own up to it, just remember he/she may just be a sad angry person. It will bring you more peace. Karen Best Wright, Author and Health & Wellness Coach Grandmother raising teenage grandchildren Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health Educator & Wellness Coach www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com www.TheWellnessWay.org If you are a grandparent raising a grandchild or other relative raising a relative child, check out our Facebook group especially for you. Our RRC Support Group stands for Relatives Raising Children. You must have a Facebook account to join https://www.facebook.com/groups/RRCsupport/ Our RRC Support Group is free to join. If you are a grandmother about 50+ and are interested in our Live Life the Wellness Way group that focuses specifically on your personal wellness the fee is $25/month. We focus on 6 areas of wellness: Physical, Emotional, Social, Mental/Intellectual, Spiritual, and Environmental (mostly home environment). https://www.facebook.com/groups/LiveLifetheWellnessWay/ I am a professional health educator and wellness coach and am the administrator of the wellness group. Remember the RRC group for all relatives raising children is free to join. The Wellness Group has a $25/month fee with no contract to join. If you need help and support check us out. Karen Best Wright Health Educator and grandmother raising two teenage girls. Continue reading

Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A. Health Educator / Wellness Coach www.TheWellnessWay.org www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com Mother's Day evokes a multitude of feelings in women. It may be a happy day with cards, flowers, family gathered together and plenty of "I love you's" and hugs. Or, it may be a day of sadness, tears, or maybe even numbness. For grandmothers raising grandchildren it will also be a day of mixed feelings. Those raising little children may face conflict of who did the child make the Mother's Day card for, the mother they seldom see or the grandmother who raises them everyday. Some grandmothers have happy stories to tell. Other grandmothers have sad experiences and not recognized at all. They may be raising teenagers who are sensitive and treat their grandmother as a mother. They may be raising teenagers who don't have a clue and don't even say Happy Mother's Day. No more with the cute cards and hand-picked flowers. Then there are grandmothers who are raising grandchildren due to the death of their own children. Mother's Day may bring tears for everyone. The day goes unrecognized and goes on like no other. But deep in the grandmother's heart is a longing for something. Just remember the children may feel conflicted too. For you grandmothers who still get the cards, flowers, and smiles and hugs, I am very happy for you. For those of you who feel forgotten while you are still mothering children, know you are not alone. Many women face the same dread and ache. Just know your value is not based on whether or not others recognize what you do. You are valuable even if you feel invisible and taken for granted. So do I say Happy Mother's Day or do I wish you a peaceful day? Either way I hope you grandmothers raising grandchildren know how important you are. From one grandmother to another. Continue reading

The day the girls returned to me after 6 1/2 years. The author of this article for the Chicago Tribune just happened to email me requesting an interview right at the time the girls returned to me. Quite the coincidence All over again: The joys and trials of raising grandchildren - Chicago Tribune Karen Best Wright’s experience raising her two grandchildren led to a book and a website offering support to others in the same position. ARTICLE IN CHICAGO TRIBUNE http://www.chicagotribune.com/suburbs/advertising/primetime/ct-ss-pt-the-joys-and-trials-of-raising-grandchildren-20160317dto-story.html Continue reading