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Always wear protection.
Commented 3 days ago on ADVISORY at Dave Barry's Blog
ADVISORY
Don't give DNA to people who come to your house asking for it (Thanks to pharmaross)
Dave - while I'm in full rant mode, next time you see SK, tell him to this day I wish I stopped near the end of the Dark Tower series when the author's note suggested... Whew, rant = off...
Commented 7 days ago on GAME OF THRONES ANALYSIS at Dave Barry's Blog
GAME OF THRONES ANALYSIS
This blog knows nothing about Game of Thrones.
I read half of the first book. I was really looking forward to it since I had heard so much about it. Wow, the book was one of the WORST things I have ever read. It started very slow but I thought it was just taking time to develop. Then about half way through I realized it isnt slow, it just is stupid, childish and absolutely SUCKS! Many way better fantasy series to read (wot, name of the wind, black prism to name a few)...
Commented 7 days ago on GAME OF THRONES ANALYSIS at Dave Barry's Blog
GAME OF THRONES ANALYSIS
This blog knows nothing about Game of Thrones.
Think long and hard before crossing swords with agent P.
Commented May 7, 2019 on HE'S NOT IN AT THE MOMENT at Dave Barry's Blog
HE'S NOT IN AT THE MOMENT
Woman arrested after allegedly trespassing at CIA headquarters four times, asking to speak to ‘Agent Penis’ (Thanks to Hayseed Tom, pharmaross, Roberto, Linda Schutjer, Ralph and B'game, who says "This will never stand up in court.")
I can't believe she blew his cover.
Commented May 7, 2019 on HE'S NOT IN AT THE MOMENT at Dave Barry's Blog
HE'S NOT IN AT THE MOMENT
Woman arrested after allegedly trespassing at CIA headquarters four times, asking to speak to ‘Agent Penis’ (Thanks to Hayseed Tom, pharmaross, Roberto, Linda Schutjer, Ralph and B'game, who says "This will never stand up in court.")
Good one Ralph, you are as funny as a heart attack! If the merits of national health care can't be worked out here, then why do we even have this blog? Perhaps to bring seriousness to our otherwise hilarious days. Well, back to telling jokes to my boss...
Commented Apr 19, 2019 on DESPITE THE WIDESPREAD AVAILABILITY OF PSYCHIC MEDIUMS at Dave Barry's Blog
DESPITE THE WIDESPREAD AVAILABILITY OF PSYCHIC MEDIUMS
Most people who die of natural causes do not seek medical help (Thanks to John Gregg)
In Texas, unbelievably, playing loud music at all hours and shooting guns in the air is not unusual at all.
Commented Apr 15, 2019 on SO THAT’S A NO at Dave Barry's Blog
SO THAT’S A NO
Florida woman fires gunshots at neighbor who asked her to turn down her music (Thanks to pharmaross)
I call bs on this whole story. A cherry pie maybe, but apple? No way!
Commented Feb 25, 2019 on TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE at Dave Barry's Blog
TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE
McDonald’s customer flies into rage over apple pie not being ready, gets arrested (Thanks to Kevin Smith and pharmaross)
Not only did the aliens cause the crash, they stole the drivers stash of meth. Alien terrorist bastards.
Commented Feb 11, 2019 on AND THEY HAD FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES at Dave Barry's Blog
AND THEY HAD FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
Man Claims Extraterrestrials are to Blame in Highway 18 Rollover Accident (Thanks to pharmaross)
Worst meal ever: British black beans and rice.
Commented Jan 28, 2019 on DEPARTMENT OF JOBS YOU DID NOT KNOW EXISTED at Dave Barry's Blog
DEPARTMENT OF JOBS YOU DID NOT KNOW EXISTED
Ew. (Thanks to pharmaross)
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...
Commented Jan 24, 2019 on GUYS IN ACTION at Dave Barry's Blog
GUYS IN ACTION
Man wrecks own home with ax after fit over action figures Surprising Detail: He reportedly told detectives that he was drinking too much (Thanks to Matt Filar and Not My Usual Alias, who says "In his defense, calling 911 on himself shows that he might be Canadian.")
It is all flight attendants sacred doody.
Commented Jan 22, 2019 on 'BEYOND THE SCOPE OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES' at Dave Barry's Blog
'BEYOND THE SCOPE OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES'
Flight attendant says overweight passenger forced her to wipe his butt (Thanks to funny man)
That is great news!
--Ho Lee Chit
Commented Jan 21, 2019 on UPDATE ON THE PHO KEENE GREAT at Dave Barry's Blog
UPDATE ON THE PHO KEENE GREAT
N.H. Vietnamese restaurant allowed to hang sign with profane-sounding pun (Thanks to Geoff)
I can't get "You can ring my bell" out of my head.... Abhh..
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kPYese-Hl8M
Commented Jan 9, 2019 on WHO AMONG US HAS NEVER DONE THIS? at Dave Barry's Blog
WHO AMONG US HAS NEVER DONE THIS?
Man caught on video licking house's intercom system for hours (Thanks to A. Wheeler, B'game, Matt Filar, Le Petomane, Peter Metrinko and elseabs, who says "It tasted like chicken. Incredibly delicious chicken, apparently.")
I find kilt commando keeps the family jewels at optimum operating temperature.
Commented Jan 6, 2019 on NOBEL PRIZE ALERT at Dave Barry's Blog
NOBEL PRIZE ALERT
Scientists invent a wearable TESTICLE-cooling device that 'cups' testes in a chilled pouch to boost men's fertility (Thanks to Catherine DeLorey, Hayseed Tom, Mac Turl and Geoff)
Hello, yes I like to report, two, umm, I mean one suspicious package...
Commented Jan 3, 2019 on JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE at Dave Barry's Blog
JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE
Florida lifeguards find brick of cocaine with $35K street value on beach (Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Great white, dude.") Bullet holes found in home at North Fort Myers retirement community Wild monkeys with herpes in Central Florida: Population on the verge of doubling (Thanks to pharmar...
If he was Catholic only a fish taco for Christmas Eve would do...
Commented Dec 28, 2018 on SEEMS REASONABLE ENOUGH at Dave Barry's Blog
SEEMS REASONABLE ENOUGH
A Dallas man spent Christmas Eve attempting to carjack drivers at gunpoint and demanding they take him to get tacos, police say. (Thanks to Raymond Koonce, pharmaross and Not My Usual Alias)
I personally haven't noticed any significant differences between WASPs, WOPs, or JAPs. More research needed.
Commented Dec 3, 2018 on YOU CAN’T SAY THIS OFTEN ENOUGH at Dave Barry's Blog
YOU CAN’T SAY THIS OFTEN ENOUGH
Gynaecologist warns women against using wasp nests to tighten vaginas (Thanks to pharmaross)
But I thought wasp's nests was the bee's knees.
Commented Dec 3, 2018 on YOU CAN’T SAY THIS OFTEN ENOUGH at Dave Barry's Blog
YOU CAN’T SAY THIS OFTEN ENOUGH
Gynaecologist warns women against using wasp nests to tighten vaginas (Thanks to pharmaross)
Friendly skys indeed. How many miles for that upgrade?
Commented Nov 9, 2018 on EXTREME BEVERAGE SERVICE at Dave Barry's Blog
EXTREME BEVERAGE SERVICE
Flight attendant breastfeeds passenger's baby (Thanks to Steve K)
Thanks for the cake Mom! Dad says he likes black cherry pie when there isn't enough candy at home.
Commented Oct 4, 2018 on HAPPY BIRTHDAY at Dave Barry's Blog
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Here's a cake that is wayyyy too relevant! (Thanks to Roberto)
This smells a little fishy.
Commented Sep 24, 2018 on WHO AMONG US HAS NOT BEEN THERE? at Dave Barry's Blog
WHO AMONG US HAS NOT BEEN THERE?
A Woman Can't Recall How A Turtle Ended Up In Her Vagina After Night Out, Police Say (Thanks to Allen at Division, Ralph K., Jon Harris, and Raymond K.)
Ouch! I apologise. Apparently my dog hacked this account. Bad dog!
Commented Sep 6, 2018 on WHERE ELSE COULD THIS TECHNIQUE BE USED? at Dave Barry's Blog
WHERE ELSE COULD THIS TECHNIQUE BE USED?
Dead ducks = slow down. (Thanks to Ralph K.)
He said dead cat like it was a bad thing.
Commented Sep 6, 2018 on WHERE ELSE COULD THIS TECHNIQUE BE USED? at Dave Barry's Blog
WHERE ELSE COULD THIS TECHNIQUE BE USED?
Dead ducks = slow down. (Thanks to Ralph K.)
I know I will never forget where I was when I heard the news of the horrible loss of life. It was a gut punch and I still feel the pain daily, around noon.
Commented Aug 30, 2018 on ROCK LOBSTER at Dave Barry's Blog
ROCK LOBSTER
Never forget, for the next 12 weeks. (Thanks to Glen P. and Dave. E.)
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