I'm tired and iguana go home.

I think the most immediate change will be drivers switching from handguns to longguns. Also "Road Rage" will become "Air Ire"

While that may be true, people who talk to plants are idiots.

It seemed like the perfect disguise, even when looking in the mirror, my ear appeared to stick out on the right while it is really on the left. Still not sure how I got caught.

No parking on the dance floor baby! (Midnight Star)

If you can dodge a wrench..

Nothing like eating a beaver nugget on a beaver moon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Buc-ees-Famous-Beaver-Nuggets-Snacks

I was suspicious when I read their company slogan 'Every year is the year of the dog!'

Sure, everyone knows not to bring a knife to a gun fight, but to bring a didgeridoo shows a loose roo in the paddock.

What Ferrari?

Well, who hasn't sat something on their face only to later regret it.

They are maniacs. Opps... Personiacs...

Is it just me, or would anyone else love to see her with a small monkey dressed as a cowboy on her back?

That is enough money to break the world record for largest penny pyramid. Coincidence? Some might think so but others know the truth.

Most of the time Mrs Rich doesn't complain about the quality of service, the other times she wakes up.

Everyone knows you have to use the correct hand signals when running a red light while being pleasured... Two thumbs up!

Always wear protection.

Dave - while I'm in full rant mode, next time you see SK, tell him to this day I wish I stopped near the end of the Dark Tower series when the author's note suggested... Whew, rant = off...

I read half of the first book. I was really looking forward to it since I had heard so much about it. Wow, the book was one of the WORST things I have ever read. It started very slow but I thought it was just taking time to develop. Then about half way through I realized it isnt slow, it just is stupid, childish and absolutely SUCKS! Many way better fantasy series to read (wot, name of the wind, black prism to name a few)...

Think long and hard before crossing swords with agent P.

I can't believe she blew his cover.

Good one Ralph, you are as funny as a heart attack! If the merits of national health care can't be worked out here, then why do we even have this blog? Perhaps to bring seriousness to our otherwise hilarious days. Well, back to telling jokes to my boss...

In Texas, unbelievably, playing loud music at all hours and shooting guns in the air is not unusual at all.

I call bs on this whole story. A cherry pie maybe, but apple? No way!

Not only did the aliens cause the crash, they stole the drivers stash of meth. Alien terrorist bastards.