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I found this line "That’s just the way things went in Groveville" to be a tension-killer. It seemed to me as though he was saying, "nothing to see here, move along, this is normal."
If so, why did he bother getting up? It reads more intensely for me without that one line.
Commented Sep 3, 2015 on Flogometer for Jacob—would you pay to turn the page? at Flogging the Quill
Flogometer for Jacob—would you pay to turn the page?
Submissions Welcome. If you’d like a fresh look at your opening chapter or prologue, please email your submission to me re the directions at the bottom of this post. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that t...
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