"Blah blah blah, yes alcoholism sucks, blah blah blah, notice I said occassional, blah blah blah, did you know that judmental people are ugly, blah blah blah. " I love you for this line alone. Much less the rest of this fantastic post. Here's a dirty secret. I drink caffeine when I'm pregnant too. Because my energy needs don't mysteriously go down with two kids under 5 just because I'm incubating another human to drain the life outta me. I don't mainline the stuff (only because I haven't figured out how to give myself an IV) but I do enjoy two doses of caffeine a day when I'm dead to the world tired. Shhhhhhhhh. I abstain from the occasional glass of wine when pregnant though. (Because my husband is a hater.)

I used to put the babies in their cribs when I was on the pot and one infamous time my oldest crapped while I was on the crapper and I returned to find he'd had a poop party. I was never the same.

This is why more public places need family/gender neutral bathrooms.

This. My 4 year old STILL isn't quite tall enough to pee standing in most public stalls and frankly he sits at home too because I don't want to step in or sit on a pile of pee so we sit, point the peen down, and move on. And we rarely have incidents where he misfires. :D

Bwahahahaa. Here's a pro tip: Sit the boy on the potty until he's tall enough to stand and hit the goal on his own. Use toilet liners or toilet paper to coat the floor and toilet, pull the pants down to the ankles, teach him to prop himself up on the toilet with his hands on the liner/tp, and hold him balanced by his underpants at the ankles. Tell him to point his peen down into the toilet and voila. Then wash/bleach hands, arms, etc, accordingly and move on with life. :D