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Steve (The 24 Guy)
In an undisclosed location
Recent Activity
Worst. Breath. Ever.
Someone's gonna have a wetsuit to clean
Channeling Mitch Hedberg here - 100,000 bees? What an oddly round number.
Toggle Commented 7 days ago on SO SHE KNEW THEM at Dave Barry's Blog
"Clean up on aisle.....well, everywhere!"
Toggle Commented Apr 30, 2021 on WELCOME HOME! at Dave Barry's Blog
I'm not sure they could have come up with a bolder headline.
Toggle Commented Apr 29, 2021 on IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN at Dave Barry's Blog
It's New Jersey! Probably one of their domestic hand grenades.
Toggle Commented Apr 19, 2021 on HARDLY USED at Dave Barry's Blog
The Man sitting on that python must have been pretty surprised.
Toggle Commented Apr 1, 2021 on THEY'RE EVERYWHERE at Dave Barry's Blog
Also a weirdly round number of bees.
The horror.... the horror...
Real Made Up Fact: Zookeepers have to change their underwear three times a day.
That's not a peacock. That's how geese dress up when they're in Miami.
Toggle Commented Mar 15, 2021 on SOUTH FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE at Dave Barry's Blog
I despise plumbing issues with the force of 1000 sump pumps. Sump pumps are something we have here in The Middle Coast. A sump pump is a device that takes water coming from an underground pipe into a hole in the floor in a basement and pumps it outside. I would have thought that pumping the water away from the house while it was still outside of the house would be better, but what do I know about plumbing (spoiler alert: nothing). We had an issue with the sump pump years ago where the line outside of the house broke. The water being pumped out accumulated under the patio instead of draining to the sewer, where the evil clowns live. We did not know this. The pump would run and run, even after it hadn't rained for days. What was happening was the water under the patio would drain back into the sump. This continued until the ground outside could actually absorb the water. I am paranoid that this pump will fail when I'm not there. I dread the day when I return home, only to find the basement has been replaced by a swimming pool complete with Jacques Cousteau. This would be terrible because Jacques Cousteau has been dead for quite a while now. I'll reiterate that I'm very paranoid about this. The sump pump failing, I mean. ....well, and to be truthful, dead Jacques Cousteau too. This particular year, it rained a lot. A LOT. We saw neighbors building arks. ("You know... Just in case!"). The sump pump ran for many days. There was so much water under the patio that it started coming out from under the patio and into the yard. I dug trenches to help the water drain into the rest of the yard. And when I say "trench," I mean a four-inch deep slit dug with the abandon of someone desperately trying to remove water. We, in impeccably great timing, had plans to go on vacation for two weeks. The pump hadn't stopped for days, and we were completely ready to go that morning. We made the command decision to stay and call a plumber. And, it wasn't so much calling A plumber, but it was calling ALL the plumbers. Everyone in town must have been having a plumbing crisis because they were all booked. We found one. I took him around the yard, showed him the water and the tiny trenches. He made very concerned expressions. Then I took him downstairs to the sump pump. It was at that moment that my very paranoid self saw something that someone who is paranoid should never, ever see: Their paranoid thoughts confirmed - The sump pump, within the half an hour that I had last seen it and that moment... had failed. The last thing someone who is paranoid about this sort of thing needs is confirmation that their paranoia was well-placed. This all worked out in the end. The pipe under the patio was fixed. The sump pump was replaced. It has a companion sump pump, which is water-powered (don't ask). It's still going strong, but I'm now paranoid that even writing about this will make my pump fail. I should have typed more quietly.
Toggle Commented Mar 3, 2021 on YOUR PLUMBING HATES YOU at Dave Barry's Blog
We're all in trouble if these so-called "scientists" and their "email science" ever figure out how to get cans of Spam to send e-mail. might already be too late...
I think this is a festival we can all get behind. At least the second part.
Toggle Commented Jan 27, 2021 on IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE at Dave Barry's Blog
Good thing it wasn't a Casual Friday style tank.
Happy New Year to all of you!
Toggle Commented Jan 1, 2021 on HAPPY NEW YEAR at Dave Barry's Blog
Merry Christmas from the middle coast!
Toggle Commented Dec 25, 2020 on CHRISTMAS EVE at Dave Barry's Blog
A year ago, a Chick-fil-a opened in our town. Every time I drive past it, there are at least ten cars waiting in line. Every time. Sometimes I think they line up on Sunday just so they can be first when it opens on Monday.
Oh, it'll be exciting. But probably not in a good way.
Toggle Commented Sep 5, 2020 on TO WHOM? at Dave Barry's Blog
Finally, an excuse for not looking as trim as you used to: Fat? Nooooo! I'm growing a new liver! Several in fact!
Toggle Commented Aug 24, 2020 on JUST IN TIME at Dave Barry's Blog
I'm getting a Hill Street Blues vibe
Toggle Commented Aug 7, 2020 on OPEN THREAD at Dave Barry's Blog
Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.
Toggle Commented Aug 6, 2020 on OPEN THREAD at Dave Barry's Blog
It would be GREAT to have Jack back again! And it would certainly keep us all off the streets, at least for one night a week. I would think society at large would appreciate that.
Toggle Commented Aug 4, 2020 on TUESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD at Dave Barry's Blog
I've already written the summary and will post about an hour after the show airs.
Toggle Commented Aug 4, 2020 on YES at Dave Barry's Blog
Amish Dave. We-all-mish Dave, not just me.
Toggle Commented Jul 15, 2020 on UPDATE at Dave Barry's Blog