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Lisa Okuhn
Interests: How it's all gone wrong, how it's all gone right, reading, writing, dancing, kids (all of them but some more than others), adults (mostly what they do to one another), you know, that kind of stuff.
Recent Activity
Just one word. Velcro. My future is in Velcro. Literally. I’m surrounded by the stuff, more and more of it. Surrounded by its harsh ripping sounds; the tattered sweater surfaces it’s destroyed; the scratchy texture like the hide of an... Continue reading
Posted Feb 2, 2017 at That's Empress to You
We went to the beach yesterday, to try to survive. Our first instinct, and a good one, was to go to the coast and watch huge waves crashing on the Northern California shore. A wave doesn’t favor or forgive, nor... Continue reading
Posted Nov 10, 2016 at That's Empress to You
Does breaking your fingernail attaching LED lights to your bike count as radical self-reliance? Why is it called Electronic Dance Music when no one can dance to it and it’s not really music? (I suspect the answer lies in the... Continue reading
Posted Sep 6, 2016 at That's Empress to You
I love this photo my sister took of me hugging Jackson at his graduation. I look old and seriously ugly but I see a lot of his life and our history in those wrinkles and that scrunched-up expression—all the days... Continue reading
Posted Jun 1, 2016 at That's Empress to You
Maybe every generation can make this claim, but I think Prince embodied, anthemized, and shaped the young adulthoods of me and my now quite ripe middle-aged cohorts. Just as we were emerging into the world, suddenly there was this glorious... Continue reading
Posted Apr 21, 2016 at That's Empress to You
I don’t mean to keep banging on about the lock-up policies at Safeway (and other SF stores, namely the Castro Street Walgreen’s), but in news that celebrates the timeless complacency of the American suburb: the Menlo Park Safeway does not... Continue reading
Posted Mar 22, 2016 at That's Empress to You
A 180-pound guy threatened to beat the shit out of me the other day, and then in a sputtering and redundant coda, to kick my fucking ass. I was surfing at Sharks and a fat, middle-aged man paddled up to... Continue reading
Posted Jan 2, 2016 at That's Empress to You
Today’s highly localized advice: Count to three-Mississippi at the stop sign on Church and 19th Street, because that Rectitude Cop guy is lurking, waiting to chase you up or down the hill, siren whooping, smirking with glee under his motorcycle-cop... Continue reading
Posted Dec 8, 2015 at That's Empress to You
I read a recent piece by some San Francisco tech guy in which he presents a mathematical equation that compares the attractiveness of San Francisco women to that of San Francisco men, and seeks to plot, also mathematically, why women... Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2015 at That's Empress to You
On the Monday before Thanksgiving, they have one regular checkstand open. There’s an express line for the crackheads buying a 40-ounce and a pack of gummy worms; and several self-checkout stations, which invariably require the assistance of an employee anyway.... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2015 at That's Empress to You
I was told two nights ago that I am sour. Which made me cry. And also made me want to take a poll to see who was actually sourer, but that would be highly impractical and would not exactly prove... Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2015 at That's Empress to You
I'm back. I’ve staggered out of the catacombs of the gainfully employed back into the warming light/searing glare of the quote writing life and back to the novel whose badness makes me sweat and mutter “I hate myself,” which yes,... Continue reading
Posted Nov 18, 2015 at That's Empress to You
Lisa Okuhn has shared their blog That's Empress to You
Nov 17, 2015
1. Long quiet shadows on a cool summer morning. 2. The miracle of Advil. That miracle is not working too well. But the shadows held the quiet promise of a small adventure. And there's always Run River in bed. Continue reading
Posted Jul 23, 2012 at That's Empress to You
Made ramen for breakfast. Prepped ahead of time: cut open outer package and inner foil packet and arranged them neatly on counter while water was boiling. Put in egg (see swirling froth in center) to simulate actual nutrition. M ade... Continue reading
Posted Sep 26, 2011 at That's Empress to You
Got rid of the muskrat. Pawlenty. What a wimp. Where's my eyeliner? Makeup girl is an idiot; Minnesota girls are dumb, that's why I'm from Iowa. This week. Submissive means respect. Good line. Should repurpose that. Default means potted plant.... Continue reading
Posted Aug 15, 2011 at That's Empress to You
I am looking at Twitter while waiting for my brilliance to light up the page, which I've scheduled to happen pretty soon for sure. There’s a message from a 22-year-old (right, Malcolm?) friend saying he’s moving to New York City... Continue reading
Posted Feb 15, 2011 at That's Empress to You
With no commentary I offer the following: three junior and senior girls saw a fellow student wearing a t-shirt featuring Kim Jung-il and rainbows (again, no comment) and asked if it was Mao. Continue reading
Posted Dec 4, 2010 at That's Empress to You
I finally read Jane Mayer’s piece about the Koch brothers in the August 30 issue of the New Yorker. It focuses on Charles and David Koch, the billionaire brother team that is surreptitiously funding non-profits such as the Americans for... Continue reading
Posted Oct 13, 2010 at That's Empress to You
This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Ever. A high school friend posted this on Facebook on Easter Sunday. I wasn't going to post this, for fear of alienating my evangelical fan base. But then I had... Continue reading
Posted Apr 9, 2010 at That's Empress to You
Lisa Okuhn is now following The Typepad Team
Mar 15, 2010
NPR ran a story the other day about Tea Party conservatives trying to appeal to young voters by appropriating “strategies” from the left (like that newfangled internet) to woo the youth vote. Jordan Marks of Young Americans for Freedom says... Continue reading
Posted Feb 12, 2010 at That's Empress to You
Mayor Michael Bloomberg is adding salt to his list of Things People Should Not Have Because They’re Not Good For Me. A long-time smoker, he has banned smoking in bars, restaurants, workplaces and even public outdoor spaces. He has been... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2010 at That's Empress to You
Both male and female mates should: Know how to walk in high heels, or not wear them at all. Be gracious enough to know how to negotiate old-school door/elevator/coat/chair traditions, but be flexible enough to eschew them if called for.... Continue reading
Posted Dec 29, 2009 at That's Empress to You