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Therobotmommy
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Hi there!
1). We live in Granada Hills, CA., outside of Los Angeles
2) We have 2 children; a girl 3yo and a boy 6yo
3) Our routine is fairly simple. I work from home and prepare the kids for their day around 6:30am. I take the boy to school and then the girl and I split our day between my writing and her playing. I might be a bit boring, actually. :)
"Monday Mornings" is Hitting the Road!
I've got a big announcement to make today, but before I do, let me give the newbies a little background. Last year, I did a photo shoot for Well Rounded NY with lifestyle photographer, Raquel Bianca to document my morning routine. Many reacted to the photos negatively. People thought they look...
Ilana, you are the QUEEN of new trends (baby mugging baby mugging baby mugging) but I saw my local tv reporter do this. :( Not with the pizazz that you give it though.
The Secret to Eating a Cupcake
Yesterday at work, we had cupcakes to celebrate the success of baby mugging. Well, actually, I believe it was for a co-worker's birthday, but in my mind, everything is about baby mugging these days. Do you like my repetitious use of baby mugging? It's for SEO purposes so all "baby mugging" se...
I'll be eating Lime n Chili Jingos off Ryan Reynolds hard abs and then jump out of a helicopter.
Are You Up for a Cracker Challenge?
Giveaway: $150 gift card to Cloud 9 Living Let me start by saying this is one of the most bizarre but also one of the most awesome giveaways I have ever done. It involves a helicopter ride and a box of crackers. I know. STAY WITH ME. I work in advertising so if anyone can guide you through th...
Brother, Mom forgot to put Snack Packs in our lunch again..
YOU ARE TELLING ME THIS NOW?!?!
School Picture Caption Contest
Meet brothers, Zach (15 months) and Ronnie (2.5 years), clearly thrilled to be photographed for their school picture. Was it something the photographer said? Maybe their bowties are tied too tight? Perhaps Ronnie is lactose intolerant and the mere mention of CHEESE sends him into a murderous r...
As much as I hate that you were sick with the "hangover that didn't involve fun alcohol and won't go away!", big congrats to you and Mike and Mazzy. :) really really
What Do Snooki, Gisele and I Have in Common?
I finally get to share the news I've been itching to tell you guys for the past 18 weeks. I think it's 18 weeks... I've lost track. What with all the nausea and the exhaustion and the old episodes of Law and Order. Why am I suddenly obsessed with cop shows that wrap up in an hour? I am with......
Adorable, as usual. I mean Mazzy more than the glasses.
My daughter just got her first Uggs and refuses to take them off. I believe you should start a series on Cool Kids. I'll send pictures :)
The Cool Kids
I was not a cool kid when I was little. I might have been cute but I lacked confidence. My daughter on the other hand walks this earth like she owns it. Piccolini (a Manhattan based kid's shop) sent Mazzy a pair of Wayfarer sunglasses a few weeks ago, and she has not left the house without th...
Oh boy. I mean, girl. I grew up w 7 brothers. If I wore a dress it was for church. My poor mother. This explains why the first time I got my eyebrows waxed, I was 30.
When Did the Tomboy Arrive?
Mazzy likes her father more than me. I made that clear last week. This is true for most little girls, I've heard, so I'm trying not to take it too personally. HOWEVER. Mazzy's love of Daddy goes beyond her need to be around him— it's a need to BE LIKE HIM as well. The most clear example of thi...
Please keep telling your adorable Mazzy stories! and Maffles are pretty melicious!
Maffles are Melicious
I feel like I've been neglecting Mazzy lately. What with all the mom porn and the Snooki onesies and the air purifying innuendos, I've forgotten that this is ultimately a blog documenting my daughter. I stopped keeping a baby book a long time ago and with that I stopped recording a lot of the ...
Nope. You about covered it. They better be released by Christmas.
We're Gonna Make a Mint...
As a parent, there are a number of things I'm responsible for teaching my children. Some of them are DAUNTING - like teaching them to hang up their coats when they come inside. We celebrated my son's 8th birthday this past weekend and 3 of his guests gave him gift cards to Game Stop. The only ...
It adjusts the airflow based on the environment
so you don't have to adjust it yourself?? I NEED THIS BEAUTIFUL MACHINE!! Living near a freeway, our house is so dusty and the air filters in the house are awful with filth. Please oh please oh please.
Off to tweet!!
Is That an Air Purifier in Your Bedroom, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
GIVEAWAY: Oreck AirInstinct 200 Air Purifier ($500 value) As most of my regular readers know, I have spent a large portion of the last few months with a bad case of laryngitis. I'm currently seeing an ENT, a speech pathologist, and an allergist all trying to help me fully regain my voice. One ...
Omg! Omg! Omg!! I can't speak I'm too busy ohmygawding!!!
Porn for Moms of Toddlers
If you haven't already seen it, Pregnant Chicken posted "Porn for Pregnant Ladies" back in January. It includes things like a shirtless picture of Mark Wahlberg saying, "Hell Yeah, let's cut the tags off the baby clothes and sort them into stages tonight." Check it out— it's hilarious. Saturday ...
I couldn't love you more. :)
Can I have my own of Matthew Fox saying he'll clean the week old supply cups found in my toddler's bed? I'll pay good money.
Porn for Moms of Toddlers
If you haven't already seen it, Pregnant Chicken posted "Porn for Pregnant Ladies" back in January. It includes things like a shirtless picture of Mark Wahlberg saying, "Hell Yeah, let's cut the tags off the baby clothes and sort them into stages tonight." Check it out— it's hilarious. Saturday ...
Of course you wanted to swing on that vine...and not fall.
And then share with the rest of us. That what we blogger-slash-adventurers do but...
if there wasn't a pic, did it happen?? :)
All the Leaves Are Brown, Let's Smell Them!
A couple of weeks ago my middle girl and I were hiking in the woods -- yes, like in trees, we have lots of them here in Jersey -- when I suddenly stopped to take this picture and managed to annoy quite a few joggers along the way. Can't help it, I want to remember. The sound of the trickling w...
When my water broke, the hospital said on the phone that it could still be a while but head on in. My mom drove me and we stopped at McDonalds at 10:20, minutes before breakfast ends.
It was taking forever so she did what any excited future grandma would..
"Will you hurry up?? My daughter is in labor RIGHT now!!"
My labor lasted 22 hours. I blame the McDonald's food.
Hope the coffee at the bodega was worth it ;)
The Day Mazzy Was Born
I have been meaning to write this story down for exactly two years tomorrow. It is the story of the day my beautiful daughter was born. I had an incredibly rough pregnancy and a few scares which made the day that much sweeter. Happy early birthday, sweet pea. ----------------------------------...
I'll only vote if I get one.
Just kidding! Honestly, as much as I like the ones with you all as a family, the one of just Mazzy running is my favorite. It shows her spirit and having fun. It's just a sweet sweet photo.
Is There a Toddler Wrangler At This Shoot?
About a month ago, Mazzy's teacher emailed to ask if I could send in a family photo. Apparently, all the other kids have them hanging on the wall of the classroom (they had requested one at the beginning of the year) except my daughter. There was one problem with answering the teacher's simple...
A party!! I'll bring the name tags to wear!!
Introducing "The Mommy Shorts Hour": My First Twitter Party
That's right, I'm throwing a twitter party. If you've never been to a twitter party before, join the club. I haven't either. In fact many of the people I have asked to help me throw this party have never done a twitter party before. For example, my co-host. Who's my co-host? Wait for it. Kate ...
T: I won that hose squirting contest fair and square!!
B: Sore loser.
Caption Contest
The picture above was posted on the Mommy Shorts facebook fanpage by a woman named Samantha who was hoping to enter her son Brett (I'll assume Brett is the baby sitting on the right) in next year's Evil Baby Glare-Off. Unfortunately, Samantha has her facebook privacy settings configured in suc...
Score on the phone, Ilana. Glad your birthday rocked!
Oh and that pepper spraying? Happened down the way from our house. Good times.
A Very Manhattan Thanksgiving
The whole Birthday/Thanksgiving extravaganza, with the small exception of me accidentally dressing Mazzy in a pilgrim costume (see above), went over remarkably well. The fact that I am even calling it an "extravaganza" means my husband, a man who has been known to ignore "the concept of gift g...
So perfect.
Thanksgiving Turkey
Thanksgiving is tomorrow so we've spent a lot of time discussing what the holiday entails. About being thankful and spending time with family and the traditional foods we eat. Like turkey. We've been enjoying fall and collecting leaves and making handprint turkeys. We've more than fulfilled t...
The worst gift I ever received was a birthday card at a job as they were letting me go. They couldn't afford me anymore but wanted to still wish me a happy birthday. So f-ing thoughtful. Who gets fired for their birthday?
Hope this gives me karmic points to possibly win this prize to spend it all. On. Me!!
Win a $300 Shopping Spree for My Birthday
This Thursday, while everybody else is thinking about turkey and sweet potatoes and pecan pie, I will be thinking about how nobody remembers it's my birthday. That's right, this year my birthday falls on Thanksgiving and let me just remind you that having a birthday on a holiday SUCKS. It espec...
I would've picked the biggest pumpkin too. Good job, Mazzy.
The Importance of Pumpkin Selection
When I was a kid, pumpkin patches consisted of two things: 1) PUMPKINS 2) A PATCH These days they are filled with hay rides, corn mazes, petting zoos, ponies and bouncy castles. (Or is that just the ones in New York?) Which means not only is pumpkin selection important, but order of pumpkin se...
Oh geez. I hate your sister too. Fast forward 5 months and I'm gonna be bawling my eyes out.
Bye Bye Rock-A-Bye Baby
Although Dr. B (our early childhood development specialist) has been noticeably slacking/super busy these days, because she is also my sister, I'm able to ask for advice under the guise of a friendly chat about her niece. Below is a transcript of a phone conversation between Dr. B and myself c...
Its so hard to compete with this group. On a related note, can we all get drunk together? I'll drive ;)
Caption Contest Winner
It would have seemed that a poop joke for this week's caption contest would be a shoo-in, what with 95% of the captions involving some form of defecation, but Poppy from Funny or Snot, our judge and current Caption Contest Queen, chose something with a bit more class. Poppy chose the lovely Ju...
That kid is on to something.....
Caption Contest
That's 18 month-old Landon popping a squat next to his dog Jack Sparrow. If you'd like to know why the dog is named Jack Sparrow, you'll have to ask Brandy from Mannlymama. Both boys belong to her. You'll also have to ask Brandy how often she has to clean that white carpet with both a toddler ...
Love this contest. Love you Ilana for creating it. I'm looking forward to the next one and hope Alison is judging on that one too. She is so worthy! ( she's my first commenter too. I think it's the time difference and her lack of sleep.)
Baby Celebrity Lookalikes: Judgment Day
Last Friday, we tallied the popular vote for the Baby Celebrity Lookalikes Contest which went to the very deserving Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez. Today we've got a second winner, courtesy of my official judging panel. (Somehow, I convinced a bunch of very big bloggers to judge my little contest. It's...
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