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master of failure
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That is so...touching. I think I'm getting a little verklempt (spelling?). Talk amongst yourselves.
Toggle Commented Jun 21, 2007 on AUSTRALIA at Dave Barry's Blog
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, clean toilets. Those who can't clean toilets, administrate.
Toggle Commented Jun 20, 2007 on THESE DARNED KIDS TODAY... at Dave Barry's Blog
A few commandments for L.A. 16. If thou doth purchase a car made in Germany, go ahead and splurge for turn signals. 17. Just because yellow lights are not red, it does not make them green. 18. Abandon all hope ye who enter the 405. 19. The number of cars turning left on a red light shall not exceed two (unless you're REALLY late) 20. You need not come to a complete stop before moving into the left-turn lane. 21. Calm down, it's just rain.
Toggle Commented Jun 20, 2007 on COMMANDMENTS FOR DRIVERS at Dave Barry's Blog
We had a similar problem where I work. The company's solution was to hire a "microwave assistant." If you needed something nuked, you would hand it to her and she would do it for you. ISIANMTU
Toggle Commented Jun 14, 2007 on SEATTLE at Dave Barry's Blog
If you turn around it can double as a virtual @$$ slap for you sports-folk out there
Toggle Commented Jun 13, 2007 on UMMMMMM at Dave Barry's Blog
You want caviar? I got your caviar right here!
Toggle Commented Jun 12, 2007 on THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS at Dave Barry's Blog
I think your posts incriminated your public school English teachers. *wink*
Drop-kicks missing 'r' up there
Toggle Commented Jun 12, 2007 on AUSTRALIA at Dave Barry's Blog
First to say: Fire is hot Water is wet Aussies throw 'em back What's you point?
Toggle Commented Jun 12, 2007 on AUSTRALIA at Dave Barry's Blog
Meanie - I once had a public school teacher (okay, he was a sub) tell us the yen was worth "way more" than the dollar. No trustfund child left behind!
Everyone knows Columbus was looking for a new path to the Indies in order to obtain spices. What most people don't know is that "spices" was an Age of Exploration euphamism for "Really hot chicks. Well, relatively hot for northwest Ohio. Which isn't saying much, especially when you look at southwest Ohio. Now there's breeding ground for hotness...as long as you leave out places like New York, L.A., Miami really any major metropolitan area on the coast, but that goes without saying." So you can understand why they shortened it to just "spices."
Gee, I wonder what's eating all the goats? *Begins work on Jurassic Park 4 script*
Marquette has refused to apologize or clarify its stance, insisting all year that South's actions don't really constitute censorship It falls under the "being a d!ck" category which, due to the first ammendment, is still legal.
Toggle Commented Jun 12, 2007 on PATENTLY OFFENSIVE at Dave Barry's Blog
As someone who's thrown up in a water fountain, I can't say I'm surprised.
BEGIN RANT If only dogs could be somehow trained not to pee on luggage or hump legs. Perhaps someday a race of people, far more advanced than us, will descend from the heavens bearing the secret to canine obedience along with safe/courteous driving and personal hygeine. END RANT Wheresa gumballs at?
The Viking who lay it down probably gave his faeces little thought That thing looks pretty jagged. I'd be having many unpleasant thoughts.
Man! First Skittlebrau and now this. What'll they think of next?
Toggle Commented Jun 11, 2007 on CONGRATULATIONS, SKITTLES at Dave Barry's Blog
You're lucky, judi. My grocery store only has a display where they forgot to refill the wipey-thingies.
Toggle Commented Jun 11, 2007 on LEGAL ISSUE OF THE WEEK at Dave Barry's Blog
Thanks, DD. Not hostile, just waiting for the weekend to hurry up and get here already.
garnished with a gumball. Thank you.
And in honor of Scarsdale Ramada going to prison, I'll have an adios motherf----r.
Even further evidence we need some sort of screening process before allowing people to breed. Not that I'm cynical.
"We still need ten more feet of rope, but we're out of bedhseets." "Did somebody say bedsheets? That's hot." "Come here, rich girl!" RRRRRRRIP
Toggle Commented Jun 8, 2007 on PARIS HILTON UPDATE at Dave Barry's Blog
Is it drool water proof?
Toggle Commented Jun 8, 2007 on FATHER'S DAY IS COMING at Dave Barry's Blog