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Ray Rhamey
I'm a novelist and editor focused on the craft of storytelling.
Interests: interested in helping novelists. email me with questions.
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The focus here is on the first page. If you find a story question after that, well, it doesn't count if a reader doesn't turn the page. The "something goes wrong" should not, IMO, be at the end of the chapter. Look at the checklist for the first page. The second item is about things going wrong, and this is for the first page.
It's good that you're drawn in by reading the whole thing, and I'm sure the writer will be pleased. However, if I were editing this novel, my first advice would be to move all the backstory and world-building to where it impacts the story--it doesn't impact the story here.
Flogometer 1164 for Laura—will you be moved to turn the page?
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a fir...
The first page posted is from her new WIP, it's not on Amazon. She has the first in the series up on Amazon, but that's not where the first page in this post comes from
Flogometer 1160 for Renee—will you be moved to turn the page?
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a fir...
Thanks for the comment, Ken. The exercise here is to judge appeal without a book description. And you're right, if Broken Arrow had been defined in context the way you suggest, it would definitely have made the opening stronger. But so would summary narrative that quickly laid it out.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 363 M.A. Rothman—does this first page work for you?
In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the i...
If it requires a lot of extra work, that's fine to stay as we are. I had thought it might be a simple change of an image tat could be replaced globally.
Thanks,
Ray
Ray Rhamey
Editor, author.
rayrhamey.com
ftqpress.com
floggingthequill.com
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 350 Louise Clark—does this first page work for you?
Today’s BookBub flog is for a “cat” novel. As an author of cat novels, that leads me to ask you to respond to this poll. You can check more than one item. Many thanks. Cat marketing survey, you can answer more than one question Change in flogging focus:In addition to flogging submissions by wri...
Fixed, I think. The errors of copy/paste strike again.
Flogometer 1141 for Richard — would you turn this page?
Apologies for the shortage of blog posts, I’ve been buried with design work. Will try to amend my ways. Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working. Submissi...
Well, it wasn't labeled as anything, the words were just the first thing in the book after the copyright page. Perhaps it is a prologue, but the author did not choose to identify it as any particular part of a book.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 342 Robert Swartwood —does this innovative opening work for you? Plus free book with email signup.
Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ vari...
Chris, I agree with you on nameless characters. Characters aren't people until they have a name, IMO.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 343 Deborah Woodworth —does this prologue work for you?
Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ vari...
Well, to be fair, we don't know that he's wearing a jacket. As for the leaf, impact alone might not be enough to feel through a shirt, but side vision could well have triggered a response. On the other hand, it wasn't as thoroughly imagined as it could be. Thanks for your comment, Brent.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 343 Deborah Woodworth —does this prologue work for you?
Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ vari...
Thanks, Vaughn. Forgot to include it. Now fixed.
Flog a BookBubber 330 Sandy Williams—Romance curdles sci-fi opening
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published...
I'm sure Mr. Mankell well deserves his bestseller status. Keep in mind here that the focus is on the storytelling power of the FIRST page. Clearly he has appeal beyond that . . . IF you turn the page. Also, an editor and a translator would seem to be two quite different functions. Not sure that one would do the job of the other. And this editor could have paid more attention to crafting a compelling first page.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 332 Henning Mankell—would you pay to turn the page?
Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ vari...
Agreed.
Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 332 Henning Mankell—would you pay to turn the page?
Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ vari...
Good point, John. I was a bit quick on the trigger. The point is that it needs to be done and could be done easily. In an edit, I would suggest a remedy. Thanks for your comment.
Flog a BookBubber 328 April White—is there enough bait on this hook for you?
Whew! What with work, travel, and oral surgery, I’ve missed a number of posts. But things are settling down and the ache in my jaw is diminishing, so I hope to remain back in the saddle. Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your e...
Thanks, Tim. Same to you.
Dealing with fire
The lovely town I live in was hit by wildfire on Tuesday, and I've been without internet until now. Luckily, we have so far escaped unharmed, though some dear friends in neighboring Talent lost everything. We're now dealing with hazardous air due to the smoke. Frankly, I haven't the focus or wi...
I guess it depends on the venue, Ken. The image in this post is the size you'll see it on Amazon, which has to be the primary resource for looking for a good read. Barnes & Noble also has good-sized thumbnails.
Flog a BookBubber 318 Morgan Rice—is there enough tension here for a good opener?
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published...
Thanks, John. A cut-and-paste goof. Fixed now. Apologies.
Flogometer 1125 for Edward — would you turn this page?
Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working. Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: ...
Thanks, Ken, I've fixed it. I sometimes miss when doing a copy/paste.
Flog a BookBubber 295: Sarah Stovell—talk about story questions!
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published...
Well, if you were a writer you might appreciate receiving objective and constructive criticism on your work. I DO know what it takes--I've written five novels in addition to editing scores of them. This is not "tearing down" but contributing--that is, to writers who are working on learning their craft and are open to growing their abilities.
Flog a BookBubber 245: content removed at request of the author
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published...
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You’re welcome. Luck with it—you’re clearly taking a professional approach. Ray
Flogometer 1102 for Melissa — strong writing and voice, but low on tension
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a fir...
Thanks, Dennis, I copy and paste a lot of the post and forgot to change the title. I've fixed it.
Flog a BookBubber 232: Jennifer S. Alderson—good story question that suggests more to come
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published...
Agreed. Well put.
Flogometer 1100 for Isaiah — more setup than tension weakens this opening
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a fir...
Seems to me that, even if it is true that women did not generally use walking sticks in those times, that's no reason for a character to not have one.
As for the possible logical inconsistency of being glad that tea defeated the odor of werewolves yet she suspects the woman of being one, the fact that she can, by squinting, normally perceive the energy field of a werewolf without the aid of scent, and if the smell of a werewolf stinks, then it makes sense to me for her to be glad of her tea.
Flog a BookBubber 223: Vered Ehsani—playful paranormal historical invites reading
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at t...
Absolutely, a great quote. Thanks.
Flog a BookBubber 200: Chris Dietzel—just world-building, no story on this page
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at t...
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Sorry about the title, I’ll fix that. It’s a copy-and-paste goof. I know about typos—a book design client of mine found one in the second paragraph of the first page after it had been proofed, I’d read that part, and the book was into a second printing. I think computers create those things on purpose. Luck, Ray
Flog a BookBubber 187: David VanDyke—not strong, but it’s free
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at t...
Tiffany, I disagree with "rules" such as the inciting incident comes after chapter 1, and I don't follow or advocate a regimen of following a pattern of artificial plot points that must appear at specified points. In my view, the inciting incident should come as close to the opening as possible, and definitely not after the first chapter.
Flogometer 1066 for Tiffany—are you compelled to turn the page?
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a fir...
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Thanks, Lilly. It’s a long path to publication, but I’ll try to hang on to
your email address and let you know.
Best,
Ray
From: TypePad
Notification
Sent: Tuesday, September 4, 2018 12:48 AM
To: ray@rayrhamey.com
Subject: Typepad: [Flogging the Quill] Lilly submitted a comment on
"Seems there's a book drought, so take a whack at my newest"
Hi
Ray Rhamey,
Lilly
(lilly_v@email.com) has replied to your comment:
Sorry
about the email, I haven't found time lately to check it.
I'd love to beta read this book, but this is such a busy
time for me [kids back in school, a couple of family
weddings, and a brand-new grandchild.] I will certainly buy
the book when you have it published. I'm hooked!
Status:
Published
Options:
Unpublish
Seems there's a book drought, so take a whack at my newest
For the last three days I've been haunting BookBob to find a book that might be worth reading and critiquing its first page. But the thrillers all seem to be gruesome serial killer stories that I'm not in the mood for, or the writing is so, well, less than professional I don't want to go there. ...
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