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Crap! I was hoping against hope that you two wouldn't do what I did. Crap. I know you are saying it's all amicable, and progress must go forward and all, and I know what that means, since my divorce was the same, but .... crap!! I wished and wished your little one would not have to have this in her life. Crap.
Toggle Commented Aug 3, 2009 on Burying The Lede at MetroDad
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I have no children, only because the right situation never presented itself so that I could, in an environment I felt was the right beginning for a child. I was also a single child, and most of my life has been isolated just out of circumstance, with plenty of periods of boxes for tables and ramen, having been a musician and artist. I had had great hopes that I would be stretched and changed and happily transformed by shouldering the responsibility of a child, and now I'm deflated to find I don't get to see what that means. I tell myself that I probably wouldn't have been very well prepared to deal with them 24/7, what with never having had siblings or lived with normal chaotic family life. My friends by contrast are barely keeping head above water with their new little ones. It's an odd feeling to watch never having been in it. I wish I could feel your great release into solitude. I want a release in the other direction. I hope to have cartloads of vicarious nieces and nephews around me in old age. Maybe!
Toggle Commented Jul 16, 2009 on The Solitude Dilemma at MetroDad
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My husband was given the same kind of pause just recently. His American name was bestowed upon him arbitrarily by a nun when he attended a Catholic gradeschool in Korea. Most of his Korean friends used his Korean name, but he started using the American one on arrival in the States. When he became an American citizen, the chance was offered up again: You can change your name if you wish. Do you want to? And to what? It didn't have to be the nun's appointed name anymore. But what was wrong with his Korean name? He asked me: Should I change my name? What finally decided his question was the one-part problem which arose all the time on documents: American databases have no way to describe Korean names properly, which is a problem for Koreans. Korean names are not hyphenated like Chinese two-part first names. They are spaced separately, but used in tandem. Unfortunately no databases in the U.S. seem to be able to handle having a two-part name WITHOUT the hyphen. We'd receive mail for "Ji" instead of his whole name. It rankled him. I mentioned the hyphen to him once: "I'm NOT CHINESE!" he roared. And running the two words of his particular name together made white folks' eyes seem to cross. "Ummmm.... how's that?" So ultimately he chose to make it an English name (the nun's name, slightly changed), followed by his whole Korean name, two parts run together. At least we wouldn't get wacked looking mail and people calling him Ji. And I think, for him, he liked shedding just a little Koreanness in becoming a new citizen. Holding on to each, but with a new view.
Toggle Commented Jul 9, 2009 on All In a Name... at Kimchi Mamas
My mom cured us of butter addiction because we came in at the USE MARGERINE NOT BUTTER campaign of the 60s-70s. Then she managed to leave it in nothing but its waxed paper wrapper and have it accumulate fridge smells for weeks at a time. Since 1960-70s also included the buying of Wonderbread (read: How To Make Accoustic Tile or Maybe A Superball Really Quickly), which gummy surface ripped up the moment you put the now-stinky fake butter on it, we were... sort of left cold. Didn't discover till much later, moderately, how it could make one feel all Ahhh that hits the spot. Thanks for the views and Peanut silliness. : )
Toggle Commented Jun 25, 2009 on The Genetics of Butter and Comedy at MetroDad
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I noted the deep-seeded error and decided it worked quite nicely. Ex-Girlfriend tromping, terrific!
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I would like to see everyone I meet (or who read me) promise me that they would spend five minutes in meditative thought on the scourge of dictatorship in our present day and age. Because that's what's happening in North Korea (the disappeared, Ling & Lee, and about the whole regime), in China (internet blocking, Tibet, and much more), in Iran (unrest), and everywhere it's cropping up. I would like to see some other forms of solidarity than just turning our icons green on Twitter. I think people underestimate the power of our global awareness. Spend five minutes thinking about how things might be changed. If we all just THOUGHT SERIOUSLY about it, I think situations and solutions would come to light. There has never been a better time to come out of our complacency. Ok, down from my soapbox.
Toggle Commented Jun 18, 2009 on Open Thread Thursday at Kimchi Mamas
I certainly wasn't accustomed to the Korean way of having the woman do all the money-managing, because in old-style white culture, the guy handles all that. So when my Korean husband laid it all on me, I was very VERY surprised. Fortunately I do a good job of worrying; so much so that he felt like we were never emerging from the hole for a while. One day I asked what was wrong and he said it was that we never seemed to progress; and I then went over how much I'd been stashing away like a squirrel and paying off our cards. He was so much lighter after that. Now we handle everything together, openly.
Toggle Commented Jun 17, 2009 on A Source of Shame at Kimchi Mamas
I hate to say this, but at least they are women, and one mother, and sadly, good looking. This means they will get more media attention than they might have had it been some 45 year old contract worker guy. I believe the media has been asked not to be too sensational over it due to the recent missile tests and the general nuclear testing tension. Couldn't have come at a worse time for them. But it doesn't mean our government is not trying their best to get them out. Not to mention Al Gore, whose company they work for. I feel sure that everything possible is being considered for their return; but it is simply a matter of how to bargain at this point, and whether any incentives even exist at this point. The tide will turn one direction or the other when the senior Kim steps down with age or illness. Stuff like this just makes me want to get my sister-in-law the hell out of Korea, and she's only in South Korea. If anyone has anything they want me to sign, tell me, I will.
Hey I'm older than you. By a lot. And I'm on Twitter because it's a dose of zeitgeist that keeps me that much further from becoming that old Havishamish bitch on the corner who comes out in an ugly bathrobe screaming when you even Look like you're crossing that corner patch of grass on her yard. Connect, babes. Or die.
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My experiences are from the teen and up stage of my Chinese friends. Their parents spoke only Chinese to them and made a point of sending them to Chinese school (which they hated). Now, after spending their 1 through 5(and up to 10 years) in Hong Kong and the rest in America speaking English, they have used their Chinese handily. One has a prime banking position because of the bilingual fluency. Another is a flight attendant, where her bi-lingualism has landed her a home on both shores. Another is just now marrying his second, native Hong Konger wife, and getting back to speaking his early tongue, although he is as American as apple pie. He's glad he's been able to use it. In short, there's a growing pains period, which will be annoying for you and tiresome for them, but the rewards come in much later, and really are wonderful. And in my Korean experience, if it weren't for my husband having learned his second language, English, so well in Daegu (his Dad was a teacher, so he didn't have a choice), he would never have met me, and I'd have been lost without him. So there you are. And my little nieces and nephews in middleschool in Korea speak AMAZINGLY good English, seriously. I was shocked when I visited how helpful and communicative they were with me. Why should they only have the advantage? Your kids should have it too, in reverse. Teach them both.